The change of seasons is fucking with me. I love fall and usually spend much time rejoicing in the cooler weather and school supplies. But this year it’s just putting me on edge, making my skin greasy, and generally leaving me feeling unsatisfied.
I want to gnash my angry monkey teeth at the world and kick it for not satisfying me.
Of course, having no idea what would satisfy me is not helping matters. I feel as though I am thirteen again. I don’t like anything — none of the food I know how to make, none of the eight books I’m in the middle of reading, nothing on TV, nothing on the radio, nothing nothing nothing nothing. I live in a house of lies.
Each day as the clock crawls ever closer to my bedtime I get even crankier because I feel like I have wasted the day. So I stop and I say, “Gee Jodi, what is one thing you could do right now that would make you feel good about the day?”
Lately that has involved: doing the dishes, redesigning this website, responding to all my e-mail, and that’s all I can think of at the moment.
But the past three days have been filled with never-ending crankiness. I’m just so frustrated. It’s making me feel feverish and scratchy, almost angry with no one or thing to be angry with or about. It’s insanity, and I’m blaming it all on the autumnal equinox.
There must be something about my inner willinilliness that does not groove with the earth’s balance around this time of year. This is what I have decided. Also that means come Wednesday things will be back to being imbalanced and I’ll be back to normal.