JOB: Assistant to the Supergenius

We are seeking a highly driven, ultra-creative, somewhat- energetic individual who thrives on a challenge to assist our Supergenius with essential creative, professional, and cookie-eating tasks. This position is a tremendous opportunity for a person to do more than just exist in an increasingly soulless world, you will be able to assist a one-of-kind Supergenius.

Responsibilities include, but are not limited to:

  • Providing creative and innovative solutions for the amusement and development of the Supergenius’ happiness
  • Researching and submitting Supergenius work to various clients and literary magazines
  • Nagging the Supergenius to do the things she really ought to be doing
  • Advising the Supergenius on strategic things and to facilitate in industry-leading stuff
  • Fetching Eurydice from wherever she might be, generally in Ruby or the Fortress of Solitude
  • Analyzing and documenting any romantic or platonic relationship activity that might be worthy of analysis and documentation
  • Collaborating with an internal team of multiple personalities to evaluate and communicate the best solutions for the Supergenius and the world
  • Handling correspondence between the Supergenius and her fan
  • Preparing for and attending daily viewings of Dawson’s Creek
  • Implementing and performing dances when the mood hits
  • Wrangling cookies
  • Coordinating and conducting new hire orientation and training
  • Special projects

Qualified candidates must have the following:

  • 2 – 5 years of relevant experience
  • Proficient at discussing the genius of Liz Phair, Mary Gaitskill, and Bret Michaels
  • Extremely tolerant of whining and procrastination
  • Strong ability to prioritize and meet quickly changing moods
  • A profound knowledge about the intricacies of The Replacements
  • Strong follow-up and an ability call the Supergenius on her bullshit
  • Self-motivated
  • Likes a challenge and takes initiative
  • Good taste in music and literature a plus

Take a look at what you can expect when you join our moderately successful, entirely unmotivated, and slightly slackalactic team:

  • Outstanding work environment at the lovely and modern Supergenius HQ
  • Inspiring leadership
  • 2 hour in-depth training program
  • Career advancement opportunities

Our goal is to reward our employees for their hard work through a comprehensive compensation package that includes:

  • All the cookies you can eat
  • Ongoing, comprehensive training
  • Flexible hours and afternoon naps
  • Free Diet Coke with lime
  • Assigned, on-site parking right next to the building
  • Ability to work in your pajamas

Supergenius, Inc. is an acknowledged leader in a high profile, emerging field that is so emerging it still doesn’t have a name. Energy and inventiveness combined with high-tolerance and quick wit is much more important than most anything else. In other words, this position is a perfect fit for an “up-and-comer” who is looking to be a key contributor to a high-growth organization.

If it sounds like Supergenius, Inc. might be the place to waste your time and invest your passionate approach to kicking ass, attach your credentials (please include cover letter, resume, and two cookies), and send that treasure to:
jodichromeysupergenius@gmail.com

(Visited 60 times, 1 visits today)

38 Comments

  1. david 15.Apr.08 at 3:05 pm

    If the cookies were homemade and provided I’d be tempted.

    Reply
  2. Jodi 15.Apr.08 at 3:11 pm

    define homemade.

    Reply
  3. FFJ 15.Apr.08 at 3:40 pm

    i just baked white chocolate macadamia nut cookies. can i submit those instead of a resume?

    Reply
  4. Jodi 15.Apr.08 at 3:42 pm

    White chocolate + nuts = barf. You’d be better off with the resume.

    Reply
  5. david 15.Apr.08 at 3:47 pm

    I usually make cookies from scratch, and just made a batch of coconut chocolate chip cupcakes this morning for my visiting niece.

    The Diet Coke with Lime benefit is tempting, it’s getting harder to find in this part of the country.

    Reply
  6. Jodi 15.Apr.08 at 3:54 pm

    who are you weird baking people? I didn’t realize people actually made things with eggs and flour still.

    Reply
  7. Hypster mom 15.Apr.08 at 4:31 pm

    Can I work from home? I’ll perodically stop by to drop off cookies and kick your rear into gear.

    Reply
  8. Tam 15.Apr.08 at 7:47 pm

    If I can get away with having a profound knowledge about the intricacies of R.E.M. instead of The Replacements, I’m in.

    Reply
  9. Placemat 15.Apr.08 at 9:12 pm

    85G a year, & I’m in.

    Reply
  10. Jodi 15.Apr.08 at 9:15 pm

    Did you miss the part where you get paid in cookies and diet coke with lime? Oh and the opportunity to hang with me.

    Reply
  11. tamara 16.Apr.08 at 12:11 am

    What if your Bret Michaels knowledge is limited to “Cherry Pie”?

    Reply
  12. bakiwop 16.Apr.08 at 9:10 am

    i was all excited for the opportunity until i read “highly motivated”. damnit. and i so wanted the position.

    and of COURSE cookies should not have nuts.

    the job posting, by the way, is absolutely wonderful.

    Reply
  13. Jodi 16.Apr.08 at 10:20 am

    It said highly motivated? I’ll have to talk to HR.

    Also, Tamara, if your knowledge of Bret Michaels is limited to Cherry Pie, you’re in trouble. Warrant sang that song.

    Reply
  14. bakiwop 16.Apr.08 at 11:50 am

    sorry, it was “highly driven” which, of course, brings us back to my amazing attention to detail.

    Reply
  15. Jodi 16.Apr.08 at 11:51 am

    you better have a kickass resume if you hope to get an interview.

    Reply
  16. FFJ 16.Apr.08 at 12:27 pm

    how can you say white chocolate macadamia nut cookies are no good? ALL COOKIES ARE GOOD.

    and with all the interested parties here, i smell a VH1 reality show. first challenge would be send all the applicants to book stores around town and see if they can scrounge up Sweet Valley High novels.

    Reply
  17. Jodi 16.Apr.08 at 1:05 pm

    All cookies are no good. In fact many cookies are so inferior that they do not even deserve to fall under the cookie umbrella. Like Pinwheels and anything containing a walnut.

    Reply
  18. bakiwop 16.Apr.08 at 1:10 pm

    here’s my resume (or at least the first resume i came across online). if this resume doesn’t do it i can find other resumes for my application.

    Summary:
    • More than two years of progressive accounting and auditing experience.
    • Auditor internship with Ernst & Young in New York City.
    • Magna Cum Laude graduate with BBA in Accounting.
    • Proficient with MS Office, Quicken, Peachtree and the Internet.

    Education:
    Bachelor of Business Administration in Accounting, May 20XX
    Illinois State University, Normal, Illinois
    Graduated Magna Cum Laude with a GPA of 3.6 on a 4.0 scale

    Experience:
    Auditor Internship, May 20XX to August 20XX
    Ernst & Young, New York, New York
    • Participated in the annual audit of Zephyr Megalithic Holdings, including development of the final certification report.
    • Participated in quarterly audit of Alpha Bank Corporation, including identification and correction of over twenty major accounting errors.
    • Developed several Excel spreadsheet macros currently in use for reducing entry time and automatically cross-referencing for errors.
    • Received Employee of the Month award twice—first intern ever to win the award.

    Accounts Payable/Bookkeeping Clerk, May 20XX to Present
    Anytown Tax and Bookkeeping Service, Anytown, New York
    • Assisted (via remote) with payroll, tax, and account processing.
    • Developed automated monthly sales tax payment system.
    • Implemented Rapid Tax Refund service for individual customers.

    Activities:
    • Vice President, Student Accountancy Chapter, 20XX-20XX
    • Treasurer, Phi Beta Kappa honors society, 20XX-20XX
    • Residence Hall Assistant, 20XX-20XX

    Reply
  19. bakiwop 16.Apr.08 at 1:12 pm

    and nuts in cookies are just plain bad. bad bad bad bad bad. it is one of the issues i am campaigning on for president of the united states.

    Reply
  20. Jodi 16.Apr.08 at 1:13 pm

    So what do you consider your greatest strengths?

    Reply
  21. bakiwop 16.Apr.08 at 1:47 pm

    my greatest strengths:

    – my ability to sit around and do nothing for hours on end without getting bored.

    – my wonderful amazing super duper great attention to detail – including punctuation and capitalization)

    – my ability to fall asleep any-where/time i feel like it

    – my ability to rationalize most anything to my benefit

    – and uh, i’m, like, totally a really hard worker and stuff

    Reply
  22. Jodi 16.Apr.08 at 2:54 pm

    Aside from #3 you could be me. Now what are your biggest weaknesses?

    Reply
  23. bakiwop 16.Apr.08 at 3:12 pm

    my biggest weaknesses include working too hard, working way too hard, working really way too hard, having no weaknesses and really not having a single weakness while working way too hard.

    Reply
  24. bakiwop 16.Apr.08 at 3:15 pm

    here’s another kickass resume as well, to, you know, help me get the job:

    Objective

    I’m a creative designer, user-centric experience architect, photographer, writer, and community consultant, who approaches the web with insight and excitement.

    Education

    Bachelor of Arts in PhotoJournalism from the University of California at Santa Cruz.

    Employment

    Web designer and consultant
    I have worked the web since there was one. Since 1995, I’ve been a web designer and community consultant. I’ve led teams and worked solo, talked design with the honchos and code with the programmers. When it comes to the web, I’ve pretty much done it all.

    November 2004 – February 2006

    Senior Designer, Technorati
    Led major redesign and rebranding, created new identity, led teams to create innovative new features, primarily responsible for look and feel / user experience across all projects.

    July 2002 – September 2004

    Director of Online Projects, Independent Media Institute
    Primary designer, web project manager, and creative director of IMI, a nonprofit media company that produces several sites including AlterNet, for which I created a new identity, design, and backend CMS.

    May – August 2000

    Creative Director, Pyra, Blogger
    I began working for Pyra Labs in March as a contractor, and eventually became the Creative Director for their many products, each of which required a unique identity: Blogger, Blog*Spot, Pyra, NewsBlogger, and more. In addition to the websites, I created consistent branding in letterhead, signage, business cards, stickers, and t-shirts. I managed other designers, worked with a team, and have the honor of saying I created the Blogger B.

    April – August 1999

    Managing Editor, BitMagic
    I moved to Amsterdam for a few months in 1999 to work as the Managing Editor (and Resident American) for a Dutch company called BitMagic. The product sent out animated cartoons to members every night. I managed contributors, designed the website, and consulted on the design of the product.

    April – August 1997

    Art Director for Nike, vivid studios
    Working with vivid studios (the web shop, not the video company), I served as the Art Director for Nike’s collection of sport-related, brand-heavy websites, including http://www.nike.com, basketball.nike.com, and futbol.nike.com. I directed two designers as well as created my own designs, wrote visual specifications, and consulted in the direction of the site.

    December 96 – April 1997

    Edge Tech Producer, electric minds
    I was thrilled to be the producer of one of electric minds’ biggest sections, Edge Tech, working alongside industry luminaries like Howard Rheingold and Abbe Don. I worked with writers on a weekly posting schedule and managed a visual designer, as well as redesigned the section.

    August 1996 – October 2005

    Founder and Creative Director, Fray
    I created the fray because it was the kind of website I always wanted to visit, but could never find: a place for personal storytelling, elegant design, and artful conversation. It’s my labor of love, my pride and joy.

    September 1995 – December 1996

    Web Production, HotWired
    I worked in a variety of capacities for several of HotWired’s web properties. I started out as a Production Editor for the entire site, writing code and managing content flow. I was a Production Manager for Netizen, the politics magazine, during the 1996 presidential election. I designed Net Surf entries for Signal. I was the production manager for Webmonkey, and even wrote a few articles while I was there.

    Publications

    Books:
    Design for Community: The Art of Connecting Real People in Virtual Places. My first book, published by New Riders in August, 2001.
    We’ve Got Blog: How Weblogs are Changing Our Culture. I authored the first essay: What the Hell is a Weblog and Why Won’t They Leave Me Alone?” Published in July, 2002.

    Articles:
    Google is Cool in AlterNet (May 13, 2004).
    The Things We Do for Love: Gifts from Strangers, Left in Public, Guided by Satellites in Receiver Magazine (Issue 07).
    Connecting Invisibles: How Associations Can Get Their Members Talking Online in Executive Update Magazine (February 2003).
    User to User Support. A story on user support communities, in Web Techniques (November 2001).

    Public Speaking

    Digital Storytelling Festival. Featured speaker. June, 2003.
    South by Southwest Interactive. Design for Community panel leader. March, 2002.
    eNarrative 3. Featured speaker. January, 2002.
    Web Design and Development. Growing Online Communities panel, Design for Community solo presentation. August, 2001.
    South by Southwest Interactive. Getting Published panel, Design for Community presentation. March, 2001.
    Charlotte Society of Commicating Arts. Design for Community presentation. February, 2001.
    Web Design and Development. Design for Community presentation. November, 2000.
    Bardi Web Awards in Bardi, Italy. Featured speaker. August, 2000.

    Selected Press

    New Media Renaissance Man by the NetSlaves for Wired News.
    Torn and Frayed by Jon Katz for The Netizen.

    Interviews

    Derek Powazek Discusses MetaFilter in Design Interact.
    Derek Powazek: Design for Community in The Well.
    Derek Powazek explains the power of community in Digital Web Magazine.
    Community Wire in Conduit, the Community Answers newsletter.

    Awards

    Fray won a 2004 Webby Award in the Print & Zines category.
    Fray was a nominee in three categories for the 2001 Webby Awards: community, personal, and best practices – the first time a site has been nominated for three Webbies in one year.
    Fray received the bronze award for “Best Storytelling Project” in the NewMedia Invision Awards 2000.
    Fray was selected as a winner in the Communication Arts Interactive Design Annual 5 in the Entertainment category. “The Fray brings literature to the web with force and immediacy.”
    Fray was Cool Site of the Year 1998 in the Design category.
    Fray won a Silver Award in the 1998 I.D. Magazine Interactive Media Design Review.

    Reply
  25. Jodi 16.Apr.08 at 3:45 pm

    So umm, does Derek Powazek know you are stealing his identity?

    Reply
  26. bakiwop 16.Apr.08 at 4:49 pm

    look, you said you wanted a kickass resume, you didn’t say it had to be MY resume

    Reply
  27. Jodi 16.Apr.08 at 5:07 pm

    Well, you better not plagiarize your cover letter.

    Reply
  28. bakiwop 16.Apr.08 at 5:22 pm

    wouldn’t dream of it. here it is:

    Your name
    Mailing address
    City, state, and zip
    Telephone number(s)
    Email address

    Today’s date

    Your addressee’s name
    Professional title
    Organization name
    Mailing address
    City, state and zip

    Dear Mr. (or Ms.) last name,

    Start your letter with a grabber—a statement that establishes a connection with your reader, a probing question, or a quotable quote. Briefly say what job you are applying for.

    The mid-section of your letter should be one or two short paragraphs that make relevant points about your qualifications. You should not summarize your resume! You may incorporate a column or bullet point format here.

    Your last paragraph should initiate action by explaining what you will do next (e.g., call the employer) or instigate the reader to contact you to set up an interview. Close by saying “thank you.”

    Sincerely yours,

    Your handwritten signature

    Your name (typed)

    Enclosure: resume

    Reply
  29. Jodi 16.Apr.08 at 5:24 pm

    call me slow, but I am getting the feeling you really don’t want this job.

    Reply
  30. bakiwop 16.Apr.08 at 5:55 pm

    i don’t know how to show any more interest in this groovy job than i already have. i gave you not one, but TWO kick ass resumes and a form-perfect cover letter i found when i googled “really good cover letter”

    you employers are all the same – you’re in it for the long hours and the hard work and all i want is the cookies and the working in my pajamas…and maybe the ocassional working vacation to london and bejing…and the luxury company car of my choice…and the company housing…and the maid and butler.

    Reply
  31. Thomas 17.Apr.08 at 8:10 am

    Cookies and Diet Coke w/Lime are currently not recognized by my bank as legitimate forms of currency to pay off my house.

    Besides, I think UH would kill me if I somehow managed to snare this primo job.

    Reply
  32. Jodi 18.Apr.08 at 2:04 pm

    Bakiwop, what’s wrong with an employer who wants long hours and hard work in pajamas with cookies?

    Reply
  33. bakiwop 18.Apr.08 at 2:08 pm

    the long hours and hard work part, of course.

    Reply
  34. Jodi 18.Apr.08 at 2:09 pm

    You totally can’t handle this job. My life is very taxing. So far it has involved getting up after nine, grocery shopping, and watching a Madonna video over and over and over again.

    Reply
  35. bakiwop 18.Apr.08 at 2:51 pm

    darn it all to heck and back – then i shall have to remove my name from contention for this very prestigious and highly sought after position.

    now if you just fill out this form stating you fired me for no good reason i can get unemployment benefits.

    and do you validate parking?

    Reply
  36. Jodi 18.Apr.08 at 3:09 pm

    There is free parking right next to the building! I’m sorry to see you are withdrawing your name. You were our leading candidate.

    Reply
  37. PeeWee 19.Apr.08 at 11:14 pm

    I want the job. I can bring brownies to the interview.

    Reply
  38. Lori 20.Apr.08 at 6:48 pm

    I’m late to the debate, but I make a mean break-n-bake chocolate chunk cookie; I love vegging on the couch watching VH1; and this sounds like the job I’ve been searching for … can you relocate the corporation to central Illinois? Thx.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.