One step forward, three steps back

I am not sure what is worse, the day I had or the fact that I have a Paula Abdul song stuck in my head. The emotional rollercoaster that is Supergenius HQ is exhausting me.

On a logical and rational level I know that Sister #3’s anger is not about me or caused by me. I know this in my bones, yet when she lashes out at me I react emotionally. I am a wreck.

Today reminded me of growing up with my emotionally volatile dad. I reacted the same way to Sister #3’s outburst as I used to react to my dad. I spent the day in my bedroom crying about the injustice of it all and how nobody understands the very special and unique pain that is my burden alone.

However, I am proud to admit that the soundtrack for today did not feature Journey or anything from The Last American Virgin, both of which played prominently as the soundtrack to my very special and unique pain circa 1986. “Just Once” by James Ingram still slays me.

Yes, yes, the woe is me is starting to wear on me too. But I don’t know where else to put it. My eyes hurt from the crying and my pillows might never dry.

Tomorrow will bring a whole new source of stress as I try to write an entire short story with three tiny Tibbles under foot.

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  1. Lerren 04.Mar.08 at 4:29 am

    You’re perfectly right in that she’s not *really* mad at you. She’s probably very angry at the situation, but sometimes, knowing that doesn’t make it a whole big bunch better. Or any better, really. You’ve opened your home, and rearranged your life, for her, at a point when things are pretty unstable for you, too. And I know just how hard it is not to, um… helpfully remind her of that fact. Others here have recommended some kind of mini-break – I’m going to add my voice to that, too – even if it’s just a weekend in a nearby, nicer hotel, or going to crash with friends for a few days. While I totally understand the urge to take care of your sister, taking care of yourself is something nobody else is doing right now (even though, were the universe fair an’ equitable, they would be), and that’s what you need to do. Your sister, it seems, needs to make sure she has a good lawyer and a good counsellor, so she can begin to work through things. Lashing out at you is not going to help her, or her kids, who, from what little I’ve read and you’ve shared, don’t need to be around that either.

  2. bakiwop 05.Mar.08 at 1:28 pm

    i would deal with that for about 3 seconds before i explained that she had better learn to treat the people that are treating her with love and respect with love and respect (ick, there’s a bad sentence). otherwise she would be kicked out. you have your mental health to worry about.


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