When I went to bed last night I made a decision not to set my alarm. I haven’t been sleeping well and thought it would be good for me to sleep until I woke up.
I use my cellphone as an alarm so when I made the decision not to set the alarm I didn’t notice that after class last night I never took the phone off silent. Imagine my surprise when I rolled over this morning to check what time it was (8:52 a.m.) to see that I had 20 missed calls and three voicemails.
It was my dad, Mom was in the hospital. They think it was a heart attack.
Never before have I wanted to kill the voicemail lady. I swear I wasted 20 minutes waiting for her to tell me to press 7 to delete this message, blah to something else and blah to do yet another thing, none of which was to listen to the next message.
All the messages were from my dad, giving me updates on Mom’s condition and urging me to call as soon as I got the message. The other bajillion calls were from my sisters. I also got one text message and two e-mails. They weren’t messing around.
Boy were they pissed when I arrived at the hospital some five hours after the drama. Even free coffee from Caribou would not appease them. I sat in the waiting room with them and they didn’t want any of my nonsense. In fact they just wanted me to shut the fuck up. There were many jokes about how perky and chatty they’d be if they had slept until nine.
Turns out that Mom didn’t have a heart attack. They’re not sure what happened but suspect it was something called Pancreatitis (?) which made a lot of sense when it was explained to me. But to be safe they’re running her through all the heart tests — EKG, Stress Test, etc.
Chances are she’ll get out this afternoon. When we left her, she was going to get some sleep and wait for the okay to get the hell out of there.
I feel bad. I feel bad about a lot of things, not the least of which was not being there for my family. My abscence today seems to be indicative of a bigger problem.
As I’ve hinted here things are not going well in my family. It was clear today when I arrived at the hospital that I was the outsider in the sister club. My troubled sister doesn’t feel like she can turn to me because I am not supportive. I feign indifference so they don’t think that I care.
It breaks my heart. I don’t feel like I am a cold person, but how can you deny it when the people who have known you the longest think that you are?
What a shitty, shitty day.