This is the last one. After now I will stop whining about this past month. Sister #3 and the Tibbles have joined the zoo that is now Sister #2’s house. I am surprised that I can stand upright with the amount of guilt weighing me down. It’s weird that I got what I wanted and yet I feel so awful.
I feel awful for giving my sister in need the boot. I feel awful that I put my needs above hers. I feel awful that I am so unbelievably relieved. I miss the Tibbles, and I’m already worried about them.
It’s like I’m going through some sort of weird break up. I know this is what is best for them and me. Living with an Aunt Jodi who is simmering with barely concealed anger and resentment is not good for anyone, and yet I’m sad that there was no Early-Morning Dance Party.
I feel oddly disconnected from my family and alone, which is exactly what I wanted. It’s kind of freaking me out.
But, like I said, I am done with all that. Things can only get better from here, right?
You aren’t a bad person because you like to live alone. And don’t think of it as “I kicked them out”, think of it as “I let them stay here for a couple of weeks”.
Right on, peewee. The kids will be way better off being around other kids, and you’ll be a better aunt down the road.
it will all blow over.relax
I’ve “come to the rescue” of family members in the past. It’s a hard thing to do. Very hard. You did what was most important: gave her and her kids a place to go when they needed it most. Now, they can go where they can settle a bit longer, and without stressing you out. Believe me; you were far more important to her and the kids in the grand scheme of things than any other person with whom they may stay with from this point forward: you were the instrument of escape.
You did a selfish thing by asking to have your space back. “Selfish” does not always mean “bad”. Your guilt means you love and care about your sister and the Tibbles, but self-preservation should be at the core. How can you help anyone if you hurt yourself.
Nice spine, looks good on ya.
As someone who has been the roommate (at the time, I was in hell, but not the roommate from there, it was complicated), I can say clearly that the ‘liver’ with someone bears a greater responsibility than the ‘livee’ (sorry, legalese jargon). In my situation, I was able to reduce my footprint on the homeowner to the size of a postage stamp and thus was able to stay beyond my initial need–but I was alone and self-correcting. My point is it is your sister’s job to keep the stress on you (and now your other sister) to the barest minimum. Obviously, that will be difficult given her situation, however to ignore the stress created would have been far worse than confronting it and changing things.
Now, you can re-stabilize and go back to being a supportive and helpful sister and aunt on terms you can handle; and your sister knows better what those terms are (and aren’t), and she will have to continue to ‘find herself’ without abusing those newly discovered boundaries. It is part of life…a big part. You learn, you grow. You did fine. Best wishes to you and yours–Mike