Today hurt. The Sister Club drama continues to rage unabated, leaving me weepy and feeling quite alone.
The problem with family problems is that they are so nuanced and mired in such intimate history that you cannot talk about them with someone outside of the family. I tried explaining it to an outsider a few days ago and failed miserably.
Today I got the double whammy, having to deal with Sister #2’s anger and Sister #3’s anger. Being Switzerland not only sucks, it makes people mad. Everyone wants me to commit and my inability to do so is just coming back to bite me in the ass. See, when you fail to take a side each side assumes you’ve taken the other side.
Good god, it hardly makes any sense to me.
I’m doing my best not to fall into the dramatic deep end, but it’s hard. The depths to which I have sunk in my own mind, bringing myself to tears, have included running away to a cabin somewhere in the Northwoods to spend Thanksgiving alone and then following that up with a dramatic trip to Chicago, alone, for Christmas.
Yeah.
I keep telling myself that all of this has nothing to do with me and there’s nothing I can do to fix it. All the warring factions have to come together on their own. But it just sucks. What sucks the hardest is that each sister keeps saying shit like “I just need to do what’s best for my family.” It just reminds me that I am not a part of that family that matters. I’ve been relegated to the family that doesn’t matter as much.
Not mattering makes me cry. I haven’t created a family of my own yet, so the only family that matters to me is the one that all three of my sisters and my parents are willing to let fall apart.
People are so stupid. Don’t they know they might all be dead tomorrow and none of this bullsh!t will make any difference to the universe? Crazy. It’s sad that you’re hurting. Maybe getting away for the holidays is a good idea. Spend your time with the people that love you by choice (aka friends). OR you do the big T-giving meal and send out invitations but only to those cute neices and nephews of yours. Screw their parents, those selfish bastards.
Shokku you read my mind. That’s also one of the scenarios playing out in my head.
But for today I am not going to think about it. I promised myself there would be no tears spilled over this today.
That invitation to a turkey-less turkey day is still open. We’re making cauliflour, potato and green bean curry, brandied sweet potatoes, too many other sides, lots of wine and music. I’ll make David serandade you on his new guitar. Doesn’t solve the family issue but you’ve got friends who love having you around.
Thank you for the very kind invitation. But I think I will deal with my broken, hurting family on Thanksgiving the best way I can. It’s the least I can do for Jaycie and Max, since all signs point to my parents and Sister #3 & The Tibbles not attending.
My stomach hurts just thinking about it.
Jodi, I know it’s not a huge consolation now, but you ARE a part of the family that matters. They just don’t know that. They CAN’T know that because of how screwed up it all is. Stay true to yourself and you will be fine.
If you need to take a crazy escape trip, all I can say is, Boston is beautiful this time of year….
Thank you so much. I know you’re right. But it’s just taking them a lot longer to get over this one then I hoped it would.