Of human sexuality or, are you sure you’re not a lesbian?

The thing I love the most about my poetry class is going to Grumpy’s afterwards and debriefing with Polly and Peabo. Hanging out with smart, open-minded, honest women is the bomb, y’all.

Today we spent a lot of time spoojing over Jude, The Poetess. For reasons that are not quite clear, the Angry Fiction Writer got to class early and nabbed Peabo’s usual spot (the spot right next to my usual spot). Matters were not helped when Peabo arrived a bit late to class, and the only open seat as right next to The Poetess.

I thought Peabo was gonna lose her shit, being so close to the revered one.

So as we’re sitting at Grumpy’s Peabo goes on and on about The Poetess’ beauty, and wit, and skin, and tattoos, and well you know what it’s like when you have a crush on someone. And though Polly and I generally agree with everything Peabo says, I still gotta bust her chops.

“You’re really crushing hard,” I said. “Is this worse than the Vodo crush?” See, Peabo and I like to tease each other about our long-ago Vodo crushes. In fact, we have developed a very scientific analysis of “The Vodo Crush” that infects every female that ever takes his class. We can accurately chart the start of the crush, the rise of the crush, and then the crush of the crush when you realize Vodo is a guy and not a god. But that’s a different story for another day.
“This is way worse than the Vodo crush,” she said. “Jude oozes sexuality.”
“Yeah,” I said. “I can see that.”

I then went on to quiz her about this new (at least to me) bisexuality. What commenced was a fascinating lecture by both Polly (a lesbian) and Peabo on the joys of kissing women, and how they are generally much better kissers than men.

“Men kiss like they fuck,” Peabo said. “It’s all about the jabbing in and out.”
“Yeah,” Polly said, using one finger to trace around her mouth. “Woman are about the entire mouth experience.”
“Huh,” I said, because I don’t have a lot of experience kissing women.

Once the kissing lecture was over, I got down to the business.

“Could you have sex with a woman?” I asked Peabo.
“I don’t know,” she said. “I’m a lesbian from the waist up waist up lesbian. I love kissing. I love boobs, but I don’t think I could go down on a woman.”
“So you think you could be happy with a relationship that was merely kissing?” I asked, and then before she could answer I started with, “so what if she put on a strap-on, then could you?”

At that point we dissolved into giggles a bit, and Polly talked about how once you get over the idea that sex is more than missionary with the guy on top you can open your mind to all kinds of sexual intimacy and that Peabo could, in fact, be very happy in a relationship that was just kissing.

Then Peabo and Polly told me about their scores on the Kinsey scale, which we thought went to 10 but apparently only goes to six. So their scores don’t matter. But they did regale me with tales about their relationships with women. At one point Polly was talking about those relationships that always seem like they are heading in a sexual direction but never actually get around to the sex.

“Oh man,” I said. “I’ve had a ton of those!”
“Are you sure you’re not a lesbian?” she asked.
“I don’t think so,” I said. “They’ve all been with men.”
She stopped, and smiled. “You should give women a try, they might change that.”

And that was just one of the topics we covered, later I will tell you about how I creep people out with my Rainman-like memory.

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  1. UH 27.Jun.07 at 9:29 am

    I think “lesbian from the waist up” is going to be one of my new favorite phrases.

  2. Peabo 27.Jun.07 at 11:24 am

    Two things to clarify:

    1. Jodi: I have never had a “relationship” with a woman. “Relations,” sure. No dates or commitments or anything.

    2. UH: A “lesbian from the waist up” is a different thing than a “waist up Lesbian.” I know, semantics, but it’s a different thing.

  3. Peabo 27.Jun.07 at 11:32 am

    Okay, and see, it wasn’t you..it was a misquote from Supergenius.

    I said I was a waist up lesbian, meaning that I’m all about the breasts, kissing, hair, etc. Below the waist is a different story. ..which of course is all explained but I still needed to clarify.

    Mostly because I’m bored.

    And tremendously amused by this whole discussion.

  4. Jodi 27.Jun.07 at 11:39 am

    I fixed it! I need to start writing down notes.

  5. Peabo 30.Jun.07 at 1:35 pm

    hey! you rule, and no need to start writing things down. You are still the amazing transcriber.


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