Elvis Costello and the mystery of the slutty shirt

Let me tell you this Minnesotans, the Myth kind of blows goats. Well, it blows if you’re looking for atmosphere and ambiance and personality. If you like a neon-gilded, antiseptic, Vegas-like experience — have at it.

Elvis Costello should not have played the Myth.

As I was walking through the Toys R Us parking lot (fucking Maplewood) with Wolfdogg to get to the Myth, I turned to him and said, “I’ve never wanted to be at First Ave so badly in my life.”

The whole suburban club vibe threw me off my game. Most of the show I was too busy starring slack-jawed at the VIP cocktail waitress. The Myth is filled with these special “VIP” areas. It was weird. But the cocktail waitress serving the ghetto-VIPs (their VIP couches were really close to the main floor, and thus the unwashed masses, unlike the other VIPs who were an entire floor removed from the masses) had on this shirt that defied the laws of physics. I couldn’t take my eyes off the shirt.

It was a black number that laced up the back. The shirt was loosely tied around her. You could see the laces criss-cross the five inches of naked, exposed back. The girl was a beanpole so there wasn’t many inches of back covered. But this wasn’t the interesting part. What was interesting is that she wasn’t wearing a foundation garment (I think that’s old-fashioned for bra), and the shirt kept slipping off her right shoulder. Why is this interesting you pervert, you ask? Well I couldn’t figure out how she got the shirt to stay around her enough so that it wasn’t sliding around exposing her breasts. I thought for awhile it was a strategically placed elbow, but then I saw her carrying a tray with one hand and a bottle in the other. The shirt flowed around her, but didn’t expose a thing.

I’m telling you it was fascinating. I bet she taped it on somewhere.

Oh yeah, Elvis was pretty good too. He was kind of cocky and rockstar-y, and I loved it. He’d get all impatient with his guitar-fetching bitch, point at shit, and shake his guitar impatiently at the fetcher. It was awesome.

He played a lot of really obscure old stuff which sounded vaguely familiar to the me, but nothing that I can remember today. The two ‘encores’ were definitely the highlight of the show. I got goosebumps when he did ‘Alison’ because I’m a big goober for dorky audience sing-a-longs.

I fell asleep during the 20-minute version of “Watching the Detectives.”

The best part of the show was the keyboard guy who played this Theremin, which looked like a Fisher-Price toy on his synthesizer.

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5 Comments

  1. wolfdogg 09.May.07 at 5:47 pm

    after many careful examinations last night, I could not tell what was holding the waitress’ tops on.

    may require further research.

    Reply
  2. Jodi 09.May.07 at 5:57 pm

    Further research would require going back to the Myth, something I am not willing to do at this juncture of my career.

    Reply
  3. wolfdogg 09.May.07 at 6:08 pm

    I guess if I have to, I can do this research alone.

    Reply
  4. lou 15.May.07 at 1:45 pm

    No one rocks the Theramin like Angelo Moore with Fishbone.

    Reply
  5. Jodi 15.May.07 at 8:02 pm

    Am I the only one who sees Theramin and reads Theraflu?

    Reply

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