Reasons I would date me if I were you & some reasons I wouldn’t

Why?

  • I can cook and I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t mind doing dishes
  • Fiercely independent which means I won’t cling. In fact I am like anti-cling
  • I will make you laugh
  • I’m smart and self-supporting
  • Insatiable in the sack
  • I have a truck
  • Low alcohol tolerance, which means I’m a cheap date
  • Also, good in the sack. One of my former lovers told me I fuck like a volcano. I took that as a good thing. I need to start using that quote in my marketing materials
  • I can reach all the tall shelves, and therefore if we choose to reproduce we would be creating the next generation of supergenius amazons that will surely take over the world
  • My hips don’t lie

Why not?

  • I will eat the last cookie without remorse
  • I will make fun of at least four bands that you love
  • You’ll have to live with the constant fear that I will leave you as soon as John Cusack realizes I’m alive and comes asking for my hand in marriage
  • I lose the twisty thing from a bread, which is a lie because I just toss it aside and then claim to have lost it
  • The incessant singing — in the car, at restaurants, along with commercials. Not good singing, mind you.
  • I will tell the Internet my problems
  • Insatiable in the sack
  • Cover hog
  • I leave my socks and bras all over the house
  • I cry, a lot, over everything, particularly Dawson’s Creek
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