much like Mr. T, sometimes i pity the fools who only ‘know’ me through iwilldare.com. i have a million stories i would like to share, but they are not my stories to tell. they are stories that can only be conveyed with direct eye contact, body language, and bold proclamation of ‘don’t tell anybody.’

but again, those are not my stories to tell. they are only stories i want to tell. alas, i cannot.

i can, however, tell you about last night’s class and how the vodo was a little appalled by my proximity to him in class. because, like i threatened, i sat right next to him. . . and it sucked. it threw me off my game. kelly and i could only communicate through raised eyebrows and surreptitious grins. it was tough, and i’m totally going back to my spot next week.

however, it had it’s desired effect of bugging the hell out of him. so i guess i win. i gave him unending shit about not only calling me a terrible student, but also sending a ‘pep talk’ via e-mail to the entire class, only he sent mine to jodi@inilldane.com. much shit was flung and i told him that it was okay, because i was just gonna e-mail the head Loft Lady and tell on him. he said he can’t wait to get the e-mail that asks him if he really slapped a student and kicked out his headlights.

next week, i think kelly and the vodo are gonna sing. they still insist that i too will sing, but clearly they have brain damage. i will have to start speaking to them in that clear, slow voice that you use to talk to small children.

lucky for me, while the vodo was perusing the book for singable songs of the completely insane he did not find “Dead Flowers.” which, in my mind takes me totally off the hook.

i tried to suggest some songs for him and he shot down every single one of my suggestions which included, “Maneater” by Hall & Oates, “I Hate Myself for Loving You” by Joan Jett, and “By the Time I get to Phoenix” by Glen Campbell.

clearly he is brain damaged.

later, i will tell you about how we almost made a woman cry and how i feel absolutely wretcehd about that.

and still later yet i will tell you about how i will be drunk tonight.

and still more later, i will talk about something else.