more and more lately, i’m beginning to think that i might be emotionally-retarded. i’m afriad to admit this, but i’m not sure that i have ever grown past junior high. i haven’t quite floated this theory out to the general public. perhaps we’re all emotional-8th graders. i still have to do some more research and gather a bit of evidence before i can totally flesh-out this theory.

but over the past week, i’ve gathered a bit of personal evidence.

first of all, i was watching The Oustiders this weekend. i think the book The Outsiders was the first book to ever make me cry. i read it all on my own in 6th grade and was totally stoked when we actually had to read it in 7th grade for English class.

anyway, my point is that while i was watching The Outsiders, i thought. . . hmmm, this movie pretty much defined my sexuality. i still have penchant for dark-haired sensitive boys (johnny), a real bad thing for sensitive emotionally-unavailable boys (dally) and a real, real bad thing for boys who like books (ponyboy).

this was just a passing thought i had until Monday, also known as the most boring day that ever happened.

on that, the most boring of days, i was chatting with my buddy Wolfdogg and he was on hold with Harmon Auto Glass. he informed me that they were playing Glass Tiger’s “Don’t Forget Me (When I’m Gone).” this was my all-time favorite song in 8th grade. i loved this song so much and by extension the band (but only because they were the mean by which Don’t Forget Me was brought into my life) that i wrote thier name on all my notebooks, and shoes.

so on the boring day, i jogged through Kathleen Turner Overdrive’s list of songs to find this golden nuggest of nostalgia. then, i made the crucial mistake of listening to the lyrics. this is like one of the saddest songs ever. one of those songs that lyrically, just sort of sums up my huge loneliness/being forgotten phobia.

here we have a singer proclaiming how the song’s recipient takes his breath away, love thinks it’s here to stay! the singer doesn’t even believe it asking, ‘can this be true?’ [a momentary aside. . . i just found entirely more information about the song than anyone could want] but no! it is not true. because he wakes up and the recipient is not there, pain finds the singer everywhere. and the recipient, not the recipient does not care. and all the singer asks, just the one thing, is don’t forget him when he’s gone.

sheesh, it only sounds like everything i’ve ever written on iwilldare.com for the past five.five years (oh irony you are a cruel bitch with all those dastardly fives).

so yeah, now when i think about what draws me to ol’ paulie and the ‘mats, to elliott smith, to a lot of wilco, bright eyes, death cab for cutie. . . it’s all that sadness that fear of loneliness that don’t forget me when i’m goneness of their music.

see? 8th grade, forever and always. and i’m not even scratching the surface. i haven’t even begun to explore the current implications of being an ugly 8th grader.

i think i might be on to something darling ones.