holding these two diametrically opposed viewpoints at once has made my skin too small for my thoughts

today started out with me raging against the machine and has ended with me just feeling generally miserable and bad about myself.

so i’m just gonna vent, because i need to vent. i know i’m a selfish, uncaring wench, but well, there is no excuse.

sister #4 found out today that she was unceremoniously uninvited to her friend Traci’s daughter’s wedding. she was uninvited because she brought up concerns to Traci about seeing Jose, her ex-finace, and his new GF at the wedding. so Traci crossed sister #4 off the invite list and, well, sister #4 found out today. she was devestated. which is understandable. she sees her friend choosing Jose over her.

whatever. it sucks ass. i can totally undestand being upset. i feel horrible for her. i mean the great dumping was horrid enough, to have to do all this weird social awkward crap too, much just be, well i don’t even know what it must be like, because i’ve never been engaged and then dumped.

so yes, horrible, horrible. she should be upset, but upset enough to take the entire afternoon off work? maybe. so upset that you have to take all of tomorrow off too? probably not.

okay, so i can handle the drama of the uninviting. it’s gotta hurt. but does the drama have to go back to the ‘woe is me’ why do they have to kick me when i’m down, i have enough shit to deal with why can’t they just think of me for a minute kind of bullshit it always does? does it? NO!

come on what is the shit she has to deal with? it’s been seven months since she and Jose broke up. . . it’s time to stop blaming every single problem on that. SEVEN MONTHS!

blech. argh. grrr. there’s just so much crappy history and stuff and what not and i just can’t even vent it all out properly.

all i can say is that’s i’m so fucking annoyed that i can hardly talk to her. i can hardly look at her. i just put on the headphones and turned them up and hope to god she leaves me alone. and for the bitchier than me, i did talk to her about the uninviting, but when it turned to the woe is me, my life blows and my life is rougher than everyone else’s, and why doesn’t the entire fucking world just bow down and kiss my ass, i got upset. i just can’t take babying her tonight.

i am such a bad person.

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  1. Lerren 01.Mar.06 at 9:12 pm

    One of the thing DECADES of therapy finally taught me is: sometimes, walking away is the best thing for both people, and it takes a really really smart, sensitive person to realize that. And it’s really, really hard to do without feeling like a terrible person, but really strong, cool people, can do it. Not a bad person. a bad person would be blowing up, telling her off, and then going out and slashing her tires.

    or something.

    *whistles innocently*

  2. Lori 01.Mar.06 at 10:31 pm

    Cut yourself some slack on this one. Your living arrangements are complicated enough … without her meltdown. Give her the support you can and tune her out when you can’t give any more. Your anger and / or resentment doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you HUMAN!


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