since every sister, my mom, and tony were busy bowling and/or keeping score for the SJBT on saturday (the stink was in class, lucky fucker), i was left to serve beer to 32 bowlers and keep one eye on my niece and nephews (all five of them). i’ve never had my ass kicked so hard by someone under 3 feet tall as i did by Nolie on saturday.

i love two year olds, they are generally my favorite things on earth, but god they wear you out. i like this age because they are insolent punks and they just don’t give a goddamn what you think. of course that makes them totally high maintenance. toss that insolent punk into a bowling alley filled with most of his family and 30 random strangers, and well you have total chaos.

here’s a short list of what nolie managed to do:
steal the poker money from the guy’s on alley 7
dump milk all over himself and my dad
lock himself in the locker room
lock liam in the locker room
lock cade in the locker room
embarrass jaycie and max by asking ‘who’s that’ of every person who walked by us at Culver’s, each time i replied ‘it’s a guy, i don’t know.’ at which point he’d say of every person who walked by us ‘jowee, is that a guy?’
sweep behind the bar
sweep the approaches
sweep the benches
sweep the bathrooms
sweep the garbage
clean the bowling balls with a wipe
push liam into the bathroom and leave him there
listen to iPod
draw 903 pictures (one of them on the Alley 8’s desk)

by the time we got to dinner (at like 7 p.m.) he was so tried and cranky and sick of being yelled at that he had a total meltdown at the restaurant which involved squishing his macaroni and cheese through his fingers and then rubbing it in his hair (it still makes me laugh just typing it).

god i love 2 year olds.