sister #4 is going in for a colonoscopy on tuesday. sadly, i will not be able to take part in the grand event because i will be in canada. and that odor you smell, tha’ts the pungent scent of sarcasm. i’m about ready to shove my foot up her ass. she’s talked non-stop for the past FOUR hours about the motherfucking colonoscopy. she’s asked me at least 9 times why pop is considered a clear liquid, why she can’t eat red jello (the only jello she likes), if anyone in our family has polyps, and if pudding is considered dairy. because with my extensive medical education, i know all about ass procedures. well, except the pudding question, that i one i knew. but seriously. i don’t care that the parking is going to be validated, i don’t care that i have ruined all her plans by BEING OUT OF THE COUNTRY.
just so you know, tha gaseous ball you thought the world revolved around is not, in fact, the sun, it’s sister #4.
Your sister is obviously scared and needed someone to talk to. She’s about to undergo a strange procedure and her mortality is hitting her right in the face. What do you do? You kick her when she’s down. Yes, right now it IS about HER, not you. You’re a rather, cold, callous person and I know now that you are not one to be depended on in a crisis. What if it were you? You, who begs on your blog for hugs when you are down, who cries out for sympathy because you can’t find a man, who throws a fit and expects everyone to ooh and aah over you because you can’t find any fucking lime coke. If her tests results come back with horrible news (God forbid), don’t you dare come on here and ask everyone to comfort you. She desparatley needs a friend, and it certainly isn’t you.
oh please, are you fucking kidding me? are you? because you weren’t in the living room last night. she’s not afraid. how do i know? because i asked her. no, last night was not about needing a friend. it was about her wanting more attention, because i was busy doing something else.
but how the fuck would you know that, BECAUSE YOU WEREN’T THERE! you didn’t hear the tone of her voice, the look in her eye. she was being annoying and she even knew that. it wasn’t about a serious ‘i need you right now’ moment at all.
clearly, JustMe, you didn’t get that the whole post was a joke. ha-ha, joke. my god.
and if something horrible does happen to sister #4 you can bet your sweet, sweet ass that i will dare to come back here and talk about it all i want.
and another thing. . . nobody is forcing you to come here and read iwilldare.com everyday. if you don’t like it, DON’T READ IT!
wait. did you say canada?
are you sleeping on my couch?
no. i wish. they are sending me to the other side of canada.