kent has this theory about women in the bowling alley on friday nights. he postulates that if certain women, predominantly the significant other, of a bowler comes into the bowling alley on friday night the bowler will bowl poorly. this, of course, does not apply to Gordy. because his wife elaine, has been sitting on a chair at the end of whichever lane he bowls on for like 30 years. i know for a fact that she’s been there every friday for the past six years. apparently this doesn’t apply to the annoying Premium Wood Guy because he’s had Boobs LaRue with his for the past three weeks. yeah, and we know how much i love Boobs LaRue. i did, however, find out that Boobs LaRue has like a 12-year-old son, she brought him in one week. which just proves my theory that THOSE BOOBS ARE PLASTIC.

but back to kent’s theory about women in the bowling alley. his prime example is poor Blake. Blake’s a 19-year-old kid who bowls with a bunch of oldsters. also, Blake’s probably the best bowler at Dan Patch Lanes. Two years ago Blake was on his way to a perfect 300 game. that’s something like 13 strikes in a row. as Blake was up on the approach ready to throw the very last ball, the very last strike, his girlfriend walked in. He didn’t see her before he threw the ball, she was hanging back waiting for him to finish. He threw the ball and knocked down only 8 pins. he ended up with a 298. and the men, of course, blame it all on the little girlfriend. she’s the one who cemented the legend. this story of Blake, it will be told for as long as Dan Patch Lanes is around.

so anyway, Kent has extended his theory a bit. he’s extended it to include not only wives/girlfriends, but sister #2. kent and sister #2 have a weird sort of rivarly/hate relationship going on. i think it has something to do with Kent and Tony taking the Tournament Championship from Sisters #2 and #3, but i might be making it up. i have no idea where the bad blood was spilled. but it was spilled.

last night as i was reading my stories for Tuesday’s class, sister #2 popped in to grab a pop and some tylenol. she had just gone shopping with the fam and Max had discovered cologne. as she and i were chatting, Kent got up to bowl. Up to this point in the game he had something like strike spare strike strike spare. he threw his ball and left some sort of nasty split. he turned on the approach and shouted “GET OUT. GET OUT NOW!” he threw the second ball, and left one standing.

“GET OUT!” he shouted. sister #2 just laughed and laughed and laughed, it was an evil sort of laugh.
“Come here,” Kent said as he came off the lanes and up to the bar.
“NO WAY,” sister #2 said and ran, seriously ran, out the door.

bitch.

because then i had to spend the next 10 minutes listening to Kent rant about women and them being in the bowling alley and how now he’s gonna have to do his Mojo dance to get rid of thebad spirits and how it was all my fault for letting her in and i should, never ever do that. ever.