sometime within the last month or so, sister #4 was talking about her impending wedding and the marriages of sisters #2 and #3, in her comments she said something to the effect of, “well jodi’s really career-focused.” in a rare moment of paying attention i rose up to fight the power.
“i am not career-focused,” i said.
“i agree,” sister #2 said.
“if i am so career-focused someone should get me some glasses,” i said. because at the age of 33, if someone who was career-focused had only made it to a copywriter, well they aren’t doing very-well with the focusing.
“yeah,” sister #2 said. “i think people say that to make them feel better about you being single.”
“jodi’s so busy working and being successful she doesn’t have time for love,” i said. sister #2 just smiled at me, because she got it, and she knows it’s not my job that keeps me alone but some whole other defect that we have not yet figued out.
i’ve been replaying that scene in my head for the past couple of days, because i’ve reached that time of year where work seems to consume my every waking thought, and a lot of my sleeping thoughts too. all the thinking about work leaves me feeling empty and pointless and oddly enough so very lonely.
i find comfort in nothing — not books or movies or music. if i were 17, i’d sit in my room listening to simon & garfunkel’s “I Am An Island” crying. instead, now that i’m 33, i listen to the rolling stones and liz phair, with only a few tears of selfpity, but mostly just trying to figure out why the hell i’m so unhappy at the moment.
Probably because you were accousted by well intentioned marrieds (and near marrieds) who once they get a ring on their fingers feel like the only reason a girl might be single is because she can’t get a man or because she’s trying to bury herself in her work.
Maybe, just maybe, you haven’t found the right person because you’re not looking for him. Not because of your job but because you’re actually quite happy on your own, thank you very much, and your life isn’t LACKING a man.
Or perhaps you have such a fear of abandonment that it’s convinced you that if you don’t have a man ever, then at least you don’t have to worry about him leaving you.
Or it could just be a bullshit guess.
i think you both have wonderful guesses. my fear of abandonment is as big as the world and as deep as the ocean.
EVERYBODY has a fear of abandonment. It’s the human condition.
I heard a comedian on the radio who said “married vs. single basically boils down to this: would you rather be lonely or annoyed?”
I am almost 42. I was married for 11 years, now divorced. I have been on both sides of the fence, and I think that is one of the most brilliant things I have EVER heard.
I would rather be lonely. And I don’t think I am lonely, just alone. I don’t know a whole lot of truly happy marrieds, but I know a ton of happy singles. I don’t know why if someone is unhappy single, they think being married will improve that. Marriage just intensifies it.
I can’t speak to that, since I’ve been married since I was 18, and more-or-less married since I was 16.
However, I can say that “lonely or annoyed” represents the extremes of the spectrum, and there are myriad points between.