super shitty with a side order of frowny face

when i woke up this morning i decided that instead of cleaning my apartment, i’d go buy some more junk to put into the already messy, cluttered hellhole i call home.

so i called up sister #4 and asked her if she’d like to accompany me to IKEA. it was a good time. she got a coffee table, i got the bookcase i wanted and some other junk i didn’t need. we had a good parking spot, they opened a checkout just as we were walking up. life was good.

i even managed to lug all 72 7/8 inches and 938 pounds of it into the apartement all by myself. then, i was shoving peg B into circle C just as the pictogram said and things were still going well, until i had to insert hole D back on peg b. that’s when i started to say fuck quite a bit, because i couldn’t managed to get the motherfucking holes to line up with the pegs. then when i was just about to send the whole thing careening across the room, the big, heavy top of the bookcase fell and landed on my head.

it was almost flintstonesesque. i could feel the lump growing within minutes. then i started to cry. because what else does one do? i cried for a good long time.

then i left. i had to leave the house or i was going to destroy something. so instead i flew down the highway at a dangerous pace screaming mike doughty songs all along the way. now my livingroom is in shambles, the bookcase is about half put together. and i can’t even walk into the room without getting angry.

i’m hoping the head trauma will cause some sort of short-term memory loss and by the time i wake up tomorrow, i’ll have forgotten how angry i was.

(Visited 12 times, 1 visits today)

9 Comments

  1. UH 19.Jun.05 at 12:17 am

    Women are so cute when they try to put things together. I just wanna hug ’em and pat their heads and bottoms and send them to the kitchen to make me a turkey pot pie.

  2. jodi 19.Jun.05 at 12:19 am

    NOT FUNNY! it made me cry. and i’ve put everything else i own together and it made me mad that my first reaction was that i wished i had a boy to do this stuff for me. what’s wrong with me?

  3. heather 19.Jun.05 at 12:24 am

    nothing is wrong with you.

    btw, whatever happened with your flooding and moldy carpets? weren’t you going to move? i need updates!

  4. heather 19.Jun.05 at 12:25 am

    please.

  5. JackassJimmy 19.Jun.05 at 2:31 pm

    So I made it to work this morning with 5 minutes to spare…

    and they say honor is dead, pshaw!

    Hope head is feeling better. Ice, thaw, repeat.

    Cheers,
    Jackass

  6. The Hitch 19.Jun.05 at 5:21 pm

    If it’s any consolation I have to put together a bookcase next week and I’ll probably end up with less limbs than I started with…

    Hope it all feels better

  7. UH 19.Jun.05 at 8:24 pm

    I’m sorry you didn’t think my comment was funny.

  8. jodi 20.Jun.05 at 1:52 am

    oh i thought it was really quite funny. i was just being petty and pouty.

  9. Ben 20.Jun.05 at 1:52 pm

    Crazy… I took my girlfriend to Ikea this weekend and she bought the SAME bookcase (except in the pine color or whatever it’s called). I put it together with no resultant lumps, but that’s what the engineering degree is for. Then I went to the beach and threw horseshoes and drank light beer, which is kind of like running up and down the hallway singing Tremendous Brunettes.

    Too bad she has no books.

    P.S. – It was my first trip to Ikea, ever. Your reaction to that fact is likely similar to my reaction to hearing that someone was going to their first professional baseball game at 33. How was that, by the way?