i just got done watching Before Sunrise, it made me cry and cry, and then cry a little more. it was schmoopy and romantic, and the short time the lovers had together just hit a little too close to home. all my relationships have been like that, something that i knew getting into would be fabulous and ending sooner than i wanted. but even knowing the time limitation, i still jumped in.

in the movie, when she’s standing outside that train and she hugs him and then they kiss and you know that she just wants to pull him inside of her and never let him go, that just broke my heart. because i know what it’s like to press someone so close to you in hopes that they will absorb through your skin everything you are feeling and they won’t leave you. but, unlike the movie, i can’t smile all happily sad and just enjoy the brief time, because you know, i live a real life and not a movie.

which sort of makes me laugh, because when i was a kid i used to pretend that my life was one big movie. i used to think i was just an actress in it and none of the stuff happening was really happening to me and the cameras were following me around everywhere and i just kept waiting for someone to yell cut. only nobody ever yelled cut. eventually, sometime in junior high, i grew out of it. but sometimes, when i’m walking into my apartment with the mail in my hand, i fully expect to hear that cut.