i’m having a hard time resisting the lure of my work e-mail. i’m supposed to be on vacation, but when i left friday there were more than a few things undone. the guilt, is killing me. i have a hard time saying no, when it comes to my job. i feel as though when i don’t get all that they demand done when they want it done i’m letting people down. i’m not good with letting people down. my brain seems to ignore the fact that no ONE person could get all that done when they want it done. my brain just keeps telling me that i should do it all, because it’s my job. i’m having a hard time with the fact that there’s just more work than one person can do and that there’s nothing wrong with me that it’s not getting done. it’s not a failure on my part. if i could just accept that, work might be a lot less stressful. of course, if all the demanders were a little more patient, that might make work a little less stressful. but that’s an entirely different whine.
so now the week stretches out before me with all the time in the world and not much that i “need” to do. just full of stuff i want to do. of course, i have managed to not do anything at all thus far, well except eat waffles with peanut butter. i’m considering clothing myself and buying some groceries. but the allure of a book may be stronger. i told myself today was the cleaning day. big, spring-type cleaning– and then the rest of the week could be spent writing.
the only thing standing in my way is getting me started.