i cried all the way from work tonight. big, fat, soggy tears just rolling down my face and getting my scarf all wet.
today, i found out a co-worker who was five months pregnant lost her baby. it is devestating. this is a woman i genuinely like and respect. she’s good at what she does, fair, and funny. everything i enjoy in a co-worker.
when i found out a few months ago that she was pregnant i was overjoyed. she had confided that she and her husband were having problems getting pregnant. this was something they were really looking forward to, she said.
now i cannot even begin to imagine her pain. now when i need my words the most, words that usually come to me so quickly and without effort, i have none.
because really, what can you say?
work is a weird place. you’re thrown together with a bunch of people. some you like and admire, some that you tolerate, and some who you simply cannot tolerate. you work with these people 40+ hours a week, spending more time with these random semi-strangers than with people you’ve known your whole life. and nothing can prepare you for this. where does this all fit into her life? because clearly we, her co-workers, and everything we represent really don’t mean anything right now.
and it’s weird because i feel the need to let her know how sorry i am and that i’m thinking of her and i just don’t have to words or even know that it matters at the moment. it’s even harder because she was so damn nice to me after my grammu died and i never remembered to thank her for such thoughtfulness.
and really, what can i say?