i awoke this morning, after three hours of sleep, feeling as though someone had beat the shit out of me. my eyes were swollen and sore from crying copious amounts of self-piteous tears. as the hour grew later, my mood grew blacker, and once you get in that pit there ain’t no way out. i cried for my loneliness and my social awkwardness and my hurt feelings.

so when i woke up this morning feeling as bad as i did when i went to bed, i read some, and then feeling still ever worse i decided to do what’s good for me. i’m going to go to sister #3’s where cade will cover his mouth with delight everytime i laugh. i will hold the baby Nolan and feel at peace with the world. i will go and bask in the warmth of people who think i matter most of the time.