Winter Woe

Here’s a tale of winter woe, for you in warm climes who have never experienced the devastation of a winter storm. I warn you, there is some sad tales of domination that follow—you’ve been warned.

It’s been snowing for the past day and half here in Minnesota. Yeah, what a surprise! Snow in Minnesota! But still, it’s the first snow of the season and we’re required by law to act as though we’ve never, ever experienced snow before. We must panic and drive like 16-year-olds taking their driver’s test for the first time.

Usually on days like this, I’d opt for sitting around in my underpants watching the snow collect on the tree outside my window. But today was different. Today, I decided that despite the blustery weather it’d be a good idea to go brave the elements, clear off ruby, and high tail it to the gas station to purchase heavy bags of sand. Every winter everyone who knows ruby tells me that I should purchase heavy bags of sand so that her backend doesn’t slide so much. Every winter I say, “I know, I know” and then never make the purchase. But this year, I vowed, this year would be different.

So layered and mittened I ventured outside, where I used the broom I conveniently keep stashed in the bed for just such days (even though darlingjason thinks I ride it when stuck in a traffic jam) to clear off ruby. I did a little snow shimmy to Paul’s “Wild & Lethal” which was playing rather loudly inside the truck, and then jumped in. I flicked on the wipers to clear the detritus and was instantly appalled!

The passenger wiper kept overtaking the driver wiper. I had never seen such wiper barbarism in my life. Over and over again, the driver wiper would try to reach up to sweep its side of the windshield only to be pinned beneath the aggressive passenger wiper.

As I sat listening to Paul sing about Sylvia’s blacks crackle and drag, I thought that maybe the driver wiper would eventually rise up and take its spot next to (and not beneath) the passenger wiper. I thought the driver wiper was just stuck under some ice but would eventually throw off the shackles of passenger tyranny, and continue doing its wiper duty.

I was wrong. So I got out of Ruby and wacked the driver wiper a bit, thinking there was some piece of ice making it so submissive. Then I got back in Ruby and turned the wipers on. The wacking was worthless. I got back out and did some wiggling of the wipers, both of them. Got back in and turned them on. Still, the driver wiper was stuck under the passenger.

This in and out continued for far longer than I am willing to admit. Finally, I decided it might be a good idea to start thinking about panicking and contemplating some hideous windshield wiper motor repairs. But then super adult responsible girl flew in to save the day.

She drove ruby over to sister #3 and Tony’s house (a mere 1.4 miles away), where Tony fixed the lagging wiper. There was something about a loose nut (and or bolt) and something about lock and seal, perhaps. He explained the whole repair in minute detail complete with hand gestures and arm motions, while I nodded and sister #3 made faces that he couldn’t see.

Then, I toddled on over to the station of gas to purchase heavy bags of sand. They only had one, but I bought it. So now I’m semi-prepared. Even so, when people tell me to put heavy bags in there, I’m gonna lie and say, “Yes, I did.”

And thus ends our tale of winter woe.

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