one of the readers of iwilldare.com hurt someone in my life and i am raging.
i thought long and hard today about closing down shop. shutting down iwilldare.com and giving up.
i’m a big fan of taking full responsibility for my words and how they effect others. i take all credit and all blame. when i started iwilldare.com over three years ago, i made a conscious effort to be as honest as i possibly could. if i couldn’t do it honestly, then i didn’t want to do it at all. i also knew that sometimes people would be hurt by my words.
also when i started, i realized that i was pulling aside the curtain and letting people peer inside at me. i knew that i was opening my life to potentially millions of people. i knew that people would comment freely, regardless of my feelings, on what they could see behind that curtain.
but, i never realized that people would think what they could see was all there was. it’s taken me quite a long time to come to terms with the fact that some people are perfectly content to beleive that this is all there is to me. it bothered me for a long time.
but now, i’ve realized that those people who think that this little peek into the living room of my soul tells them who i really am, don’t have the slightest notion about me. there’s a dining room, bathroom, kitchen, bedroom, and palatial estate that you can’t see. of course you can’t see it, because you don’t get to actually, physically see me.
you don’t know what my laugh sounds like, you don’t know what my face looks right before i smile, and you don’t know what color my eyes are after i’ve been crying.
and it’s more than that, it’s more than a physical thing. you don’t know how i feel when i get interrupted in meetings, you don’t know how my heart races when i’m trapped in a place that bores me, and you don’t know what max’s breath smells like when he puts his hands on my cheeks and shouts “I MISSED YOU” before he kisses me.
you can’t know that, and i don’t expect you to. i also don’t expect you to assume that by reading iwilldare.com that you know me. sure, i e-mail lots of you, i talk to some of you on the phone, i even know some of you and have met you and hugged you.
and i’m so lucky to have that. i’m lucky to call many of the people who read this site friend.
however, someone stepped over the line recently. someone meddled in my life where they weren’t supposed to. a reader of iwilldare.com, someone i’ve never met or spoken with, has upset a person in my life. this reader had seen fit to contact my friend it whatever this reader wrote upset my friend quite a bit.
i am furious.
nobody who reads iwilldare.com has the right to contact any of my friends or family and complain to them about the way they should or should not be treating me. that’s none of your goddamn business.
what i write here is the most honest thing i can, but you’ve got to remember it’s all filtered through my perception and the mood of the minute. just because i might write about how something sister #3 or the NBFB did upset me, does not mean you have to contact them on my behalf.
i am an adult, and i choose to deal with the relationships in my life my way, thankyouverymuch. if i want your advice, i’ll ask for it, or you can leave a comment, or you can e-mail me– ME. leave my family and friends out of it. please.
that being said, i have dealt with the offensive/offending reader and asked them not to participate here anymore. if you didn’t get that cold e-mail from me, well, you’re all good and we will carry on as usual.
that being said. i think i did the right thing. i asked the reader to stop, i’ve apologized to my friend, and i’m gonna carry on like nothing ever happened.