there are only four pages left in The Solace of Leaving Early. i put it down. i don’t want it to end. mostly because i’m enjoying and somewhat because when it ends i have to work.

i have to edit a book this weekend. a whole, entire book. i’ve never done that. part of me thinks i’ve been set up to fail. part of me thinks that i don’t fail too often i used to fail a lot at almost everything. but sometime around the age of 26 or was it 27? i smartened up the slightest bit and haven’t been failing all that often. usually i only fail at love and weight-loss. this has nothing to do with either, so i should be ok.

i must admit, however, i’m more than a little worried about myself. i’ve been terrible. i haven’t slept more than 3 or 4 hours at a shot. i’m eating crap when i remember to eat. my neck and shoulder muscles have transmutated into some sort of painful steel jigsaw puzzle.

work has overcome me this week. i’ve worked non-stop since about sunday, with brief reprieves to chat with the TTHM and visit sister #3 and the peanut. i’m lucky, i guess. i have work, and people respect what i’m doing. but i know i’m hiding. i’ve thrown myself into this to avoid thinking about the chance i took, and am still proud of taking. i’ve avoided worrying about what’s going on in front of my headlights though it’s there, always nagging. if i can just make it through the rest of this month, things will be much clearer. they will clear up and settle down without any thought on my part. in the meantime, i will just keep my head down and work. because i don’t want to add another thing to the the list of things i fail at.