i’m sitting here putting stamps on all the bills that i can’t pay online and feeling all smug and satisfied. i just don’t know when my ability to pay all my bills (semi-on time, damn those things that have to mailed in how uncivilized) will cease to amaze me.

maybe it’s because i grew up so poor and i still remember the times without electricity or gas or a telephone. maybe because i remember in college when i had to choose who would get $15 that month, if anyone got anything.

maybe it’s because i am so damn pleased with myself that not only can i support myself (which for a long time i couldn’t) i can donate money to charity. granted, it’s not a lot. but it’s some and it’s something i always vowed to myself i would do if i ever had any money.

so when will this amazement wear off? does it ever? maybe i need to stop being amazed and actually start saving money (a novel concept for me), maybe that will give me an even greater sense of amazement. maybe i’ll see if i can do that.