last night i had the oddest, saddest dream.
i dreamt that i broke into paul westeberg’s house and hid out in the basement. eventually his wife found me down there. i don’t remember what actually was said but somehow i conned her into believing that i was actually supposed to be there. i think i might have said paul had hired me to babysit their daughter who was jaycie’s age (when in actuality they have a son, johnny, who is jaycie’s age).
so i have no idea how long i was there. but i played with the daughter and hung out for a long time. eventually paul came home and blew my cover. he was furious and kept calling the police. i was sobbing like a baby. somehow i had used his credit card from something, $256 worth of something. i can’t remember what it was, but he was outraged and screaming at me.
his wife took pity on me and said that i could just pay them back, but i’d have to leave and never come back. i gave them the money and they called my family to come get me.
sister #2 arrived at their house to collect me and i was still crying. the only thing she said was, “that was a boneheaded thing to do.”
and that’s all i remember.
now i feel like someone should quote willy from beautiful girls and say, “i will now check your freezer for frozen human heads.”