what we have here is a seriously bad case of the mopes. it’s not so good. i’ve got a lot on my mind and i just can’t seem to shake any of it. this leaves me distracted and restless. not even a melodramatic episode of dawson’s creek can save me from my own mind.
job woes have still got me wondering. i’m supposed to have my yearly review soon. well, i should have had to on the 24th, but it keeps getting put off. i just wish i could get it done and over with. i have to ask for that raise and i am obsessing about it.
this is coupled with the sudden jones to buy a house. it’s sorta freaking me out that i want this. i want this very much. it’s so unlike me. it seems like such a committment, something i am not good with at all. hell, i freaked out when i got a couch because i felt too tied down.
but now, i really want a place of my own. some place i can paint orange and blue if i want. my own place. at the same time it scares the piss out of me. somehow homeownership and marriage seemed all wrapped up in my mind. it’s like i decided i couldn’t have a house unless i have a husband. so in my deeply psychotic reasoning i feel that if i buy a house i will never get a husband. it doesn’t make sense, i know that. but somehow i’m just afriad that if i buy a house now i will forever be labeled an old spinster.
but at the same time, my other personality is trying to rally the troops. how kick ass would that be to own your own house as a single woman? i mean, come on, that’s quite an accomplishment, right?