all you see are sympathetic lies

it’s thunderstorming out. so intstanly i am four years old again. sitting on the steps of our mobile home. i’m waiting for my mom to whisk sister #2 and i away to john and eileen’s house. it’s where we always went whenever there was severe weather. it taught me to be afraid of the thunder.

when i was in kindergarden (which we minnesotans always pronounce kinnygarden) we had to make these emotion books. basically each page said something to the effect of, “This makes me Happy!” and then kids would draw pictures of like cookies or something. “This makes me Sad” then you’d get rain or some such nonesense.

somwhere i still have mine. my mom hates that book because my drawings got us all hauled into the counselor’s office. tornadoes made me afraid. being in jail made me mad. . . because as a kindergardener i must have already done hard time. my cousin colleen’s funeral made me sad. that’s what got us called into the office.

i can’t sleep. i’ve got too many questions swirling about in my brain. sleep has decided all these questions should be answered before he comes to visit. sadly, these questions will not be answered before dawn. these questions probably won’t even be answered before dawn of the new year. but sleep can kindly kiss my ass. i took two tylenol pm. i’m still afraid of getting hooked. but i won’t suffer through sleepless hell like december again.

now i’m just waiting and wondering how long it’s going to take these bad boys to kick in.

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