on thursday i went to byerlys (a swanky grocery store in chanhassen) with bestfriend kari. she had to order a cake for jakey’s other birthday party.
whilst at byerlys we ran into our co-worker sandy. sandy and i chatted and lurked about all the lovely flowers at byerlys while kari went to the bakery to order the nerdy pooh cake (she insisted on a nerdy winnie the pooh theme no matter how hard i lobbied against it).
as sandy went off to pay for her smoked turkey burritos wraps, i sidled up to kari in front of the bakery counter. she was in the midst of ordering a cherry-chip, nerdy pooh cake. i just sorta lurked behind her when the old lady helping her shouted to me, “sir do you want me to ring the bell to get marjorie to help you?”
“uh, no,” i said.
“oh, i’m sorry. you’re not a man.”
“. . . ”
then she went back to helping kari get the nerdy pooh cake. it would have been wonderful if she would have just left it at that.
“you don’t look like a man,” she said.
. . . probably because I’M NOT A FUCKING MAN!!. . . i shouted inside my own head.
“i just saw your feet and legs and thought you were a man.”
“. . . ” i figure no response will get her to shut up.
“there’s this proverb that says, ‘if you stick your foot in your mouth it should stop the flow,'” she said.
even though i totally didn’t get it, i just smiled and nodded.
“I’m just so embarrassed for calling you a man,” she said. “do you want to try one of our german chocolate brownies?”
as if coconuttycrappy brownies was gonna make me feel better. i hate her. of course kari and i made fun of her for the rest of the afternoon. but that still didn’t make me feel better.