ok, so i’ve been doing some thinking. since i can’t seem to get me a bitch, what i need is some groupies. afterall, i am the internet’s sweetheart. shouldn’t i have me some cute groupies hanging out all over the place?

see the groupies would want to hang out with me all the time and do stuff for me. unlike a bitch, who’d i’d have to support, the groupies would be free. they’d do it because i am the internet’s sweetheart and they love me. they want my fame and glamour to rub off on them.

i’d need to have a bunch of them, so they can get me sodas and dinner, so i could have sex with them whenever i wanted. i’d need more than. maybe like four or five. because i don’t want to get bored or become too attached to one groupie and make all the other groupies jealous. you know? that would just wreck all sorts of havoc in groupieland and i want to be good to my groupies.

so. who wants to be my groupie?