I learned something most disturbing about my entire family last night. My dad, sisters #2-4 and my niece are all giant freaks of nature. They have blue whites. At first I thought it was only sister #4. While dining with her one evening a few weeks ago, I blurted out ‘the whites of your eyes are freakishly blue.’ She just shrugged her shoulders and went on discussing her upcoming 21st birthday. I, however, was fascinated and ooged out by her freakishly-blue whites. ‘kelli, maybe it’s some sort of eye disease. Have you been to the eye doctor lately?’ allegedly, she had gone to the eye doctor last year and they didn’t find anything wrong.

So we’re all gathered at sister #3’s house for a mother’s day bbq. I hauled sister #4 over to where sister #2 and I sat chatting:

‘Look at her eyes. Her whites are freakishly-blue!’
‘they are really blue,’ sister #2 said upon inspecting sister #4’s eyes.
‘Are mine blue,’ she asked bugging her eyes out at me.
‘aak! Yes, you’re whites are blue too!’ I exclaimed with horror.
‘Are mine blue?’ sister #3 asked.
‘your’s are blue too,’ sister #2 and I said.
‘mine are blue too,’ my dad added as sister #2 called to Jaycie and Max.

We discovered jaycie is of the freakishly-blue whites and max is normal. My mom has yellowish whites that nobody really wanted to call normal, though they aren’t freakishly-blue.

‘ha! You are all freaks. Giant freaks of nature,’ I crowed pointing my finger at all of them.
‘wait, wait, wait,’ sister #3 said. ‘if we all have blue-whites and you have white whites, wouldn’t that make you the freak?’
‘of course not,’ I said. ‘maybe I am a freak in the context of this family. But if the entire rest of the world has white-whites like me and only you five freaks have blue-whites, really I am the normal one.’

I think I will start carrying garlic, holy water and some wooden stakes or something to the next family get-together. You never know when those blue-whites freaks will turn on you.