utoh. i think i might

utoh. i think i might have goofed something up. i think the combination of crap i’ve poured into my body hasn’t mixed well in my system. right now, i feel like i am hammered. rip-roaring drunk. i can’t decide what it could be. the echinacea? the tea? the hot cocoa? the diet pepsi?

you know how when you get drunk it’s like your actions pour out really fast and you are sorta seeing them through a screen. . . you’re all detached and even while you’re doing/saying something you can’t believe it’s you? that’s how i feel right now. it’s sorta strange. i’d blame the robitussin. . . but i haven’t had any since bed time last night.

so i like this boy. but i can’t decide if i like this boy because i like him, or because he reminds me so much of this other boy i loved and who loved me right back. i want to tell likerboy about the loverboy he reminds me of, but i just feel silly. what i really want is for likerboy to dig me as much as loverboy did.

ok, i’ve changed my mind. i don’t feel drunk. i feel stoned. not that i remember too well what it’s like to be stoned. i haven’t smoked pot since about 1996. god, that seems like a kabillon years ago. but from what i remember, this is what it feels like. i think i should shut up now and go to bed.

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