for the first time in

for the first time in my life i am a the proud owner of oven mitts. yes, i bought oven mitts. two of them. they were $4. they are plaid. i love them. if i could type with oven mitts on, you can bet your sweet bootie that i’d be wearing them right this very instant. i can’t wait to use them. i might make some cookies, just so i can have an excuse to wear them. i was almost lured into the seemy side of pot holders, but i held off. maybe i will add them to my christmas list.

i went into target to get a chicken-soup pot, i can outta target $81 lighter. i am addicted. i bought a new lamp and some shiny purple wrapping paper. i bought a chicken-soup pot, it was $9. i bought bows and ribbons and good smelling stuff.

for the fifth year in a row, i bought christmas cards. but i have made a resolution that i will send out christmas cards this year. i’ve been saying that every year for five years. i have yet to send a single card.

but this year, this year will be different gentle readers (that’s my new name for you. that’s what dear abby or dear ann. . . one of them calls her readers gentle readers). i will send out christmas cards. i will send them to my family and friends and co-workers. gentle readers, i will even send them to you, if you like (i’d love it). but. . i don’t know who you are.

so, if you want a beautiful christmas card from me (and just think… i will and write it and sign it and some day when i am rich and famous [or poor and infamous] you can auction it off on e-bay for thousands of pennies) you gotta tell me who you are. you gotta. i am not as psychic as i’d like. you can e-mail me your addy, and i will send you a card. yes! i will spread merriment and good cheer throughout the land.

you needn’t worry about me being a jet-setting internet stalker. well, you should worry. but my stalking schedule is pretty much filled until about may. and i am really, really poor and i hate driving in the winter. . . so unless you live south of the minnesota river and north of iowa, you really needn’t worry about me stalking you. unless, of course, you are 6’7″ and look like matt dillon.

so. . . what are you waiting for gentle reader?

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