i turned the lights out some 27 minutes ago, hoping to sleep. i’ve been up since 5 a.m. because of the door knocker. so i thought going to bed bright and early would be a good idea. plus, the minotaur was getting more than i can bear. i hate impending doom and reading the book and the doom that was coming was making my heart race, and well, i wanted to go to bed bright and early.

but then i turned off the lights and the door knockers black eyes and silvery forehead kept shimming on my closed lids. and i’m just haunted by the vision of her laying in the back of the ambulance, face covered by an oxygen mask and those blackened eyes all too visible.

so my mind starts flitting about thinking of this and that and the release and work and how maybe i won’t die on saturday or maybe i will, but regardless i have actual plans to do stuff with people i’m not related too. so even if i do cack on saturday, i’ll at least go out having a little fun and not throwing myself a pity party with the case of SNL and ben and jerry.

so i’m trying to sleep and my eyes refuse to shut and my face is all flushed and i feel like my cheeks are sunburnt and it just seems like it’s happening. something’s going on and i can’t say if it’s good or bad or what, just that something big’s coming this way and there isn’t anything i can do about. and that thought keeps me oddly exhilirated and maybe it’s just the being up since 5 a.m. that’s talking.

all i know for sure is that i’m gonna wake up in the morning and call to see if i can’t get my hair cut.