The #BarsOfSummer Are Gone

Hey Darling Ones,

My #BarsOfSummer Project has come to an end. This makes me extremely happy. The thought of eating another bar makes me want to barf for the rest of eternity. Sixteen weeks of bars is a lot, even when you halve most of the recipes and give a majority of them away. There are three different kinds of bars still in my freezer. Maybe they’ll sound good again in November. 2023.

The very best part of finishing the project is that maybe, perhaps, if I’m extra lucky my brain will stop taunting me with “The Boys of Summer” on an endless loop.

For the official record, here are all the bars I made with links the recipes when applicable. I freestyle a lot of this shit. It’s how I cook. I cannot be bound the conventions of a simple recipe. I must be free to fully express myself, pretend I know what I’m doing, and in the process make a lot of food that ranges from mediocre to gross.

  • 14 May: Scotcharoos — These started it all and the corn syrup, sugar, peanut butter “spackle” became the backbone of many a bar recipe.
  • 21 May: Salt River Bars — These were delicious and super easy to make.
  • 28 May: Frito Bars — I made these using the aforementioned sparkle and Fritos. However, I fucked them up by messing with the Frito to Spackle ratio. The spackle to stuff ratio is very important.
  • 04 Jun: Whatchamacallit — Basically Scotcharoos with a thing caramel layer. My sisters liked these more than I did.
    11 Jun: Cornflake Girl Bars — Cornflakes + Spackle.
  • 18 Jun: Butterfinger Bars — A+. My Mom & Max’s favorites. They took all of them home after Family Dinner.
  • 25 Jun: Boogie Woogie Bugle Bars — My favorite of the Jodi Chromey Original Recipe Bars. Spackle + Bugles + Caramel + Mini M&Ms = Chef’s kiss.
  • 02 Jul: Oreo Peanut Butter Bars — Good, but super rich. There are some of these hiding out in a Talenti container in my freezer.
  • 09 Jul: Chicago Mix Bars — Another JCOR. Cheese popcorn + a caramelly riff on the spackle. These tasted good but were kind a textural nightmare to me. However, BFK’s son loved them and that made me very happy.
  • 16 Jul: Browned Butter Blondies — Shrug. These were fine.
  • 23 Jul: Fudgey Kabooms — These were based on double chocolate chip bars and featured all the odds & ends of various chips and toppings. I named them in honor of my pal, Hotrod’s son. He likes to throw a bunch of crap on ice cream and call it Ice Cream Kaboom. The kid’s a culinary genius in training.
  • 30 Jul: Beezus Bars — I renamed these from “Knock You Naked Bars,” because that name is stupid and embarrassing. I have a strict zero tolerance policy regarding recipes featuring the words “skinny,” “better than sex,” “crack,” or “pie.”
  • 06 Aug: Millionaire Shortbread — The second best thing to happen to bars.
  • 13 Aug: Chex Mix Bars — Spackle + Chex Mix. Surprisingly delicious.
  • 20 Aug: Knock-off PB Cheerio Bars — Spackle + My dearly beloved knock-off PB Cheerios.
  • 27 Aug: Millionaire Remix — Might actually be better than sex (they are not, but they are really good). I used the OG Millionaire Shortbread recipe for the caramel and topping, but mixed it with this shortbread recipe and pretzel idea.

There you have it, my successful #BarsOfSummer project from beginning to end. Frankly, I’m still kinda surprised I didn’t bail on this sometime in July.

I promise you my love for you is still strong, even though the #BarsOfSummer are gone (metaphorically, I mean there’s still the ones in the freezer).


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