Darling Ones,

This is just to say that about 36 big balloons came loose from their moorings and found their way to my house.

I noticed them this morning as I was drinking coffee and staring aimlessly out the front window listening to that Anaïs Mitchell record I am obsessed with.

Since the balloons were on the ground I was 99% sure this wasn’t a grand romantic gesture by a secret admirer. Nevertheless, I picked them up off the ground and for about 30 seconds I stood in the doorway and pondered throwing them out into the street where the wind would make them someone else’s problem.

Instead, I dragged them into the living and took some pics, as one does when this happens. I didn’t want this to be a pics or it didn’t happen situation. I thought about admiring them for a little while, but then one popped and scared the shit out of me. After the smoke alarm fuckery I think I forgot to tell you about I was all, “I CANNOT LIVE LIKE THIS WITH RANDOM LOUD NOISES SCARING ME OUT OF NOWHERE.”

Do you have any idea how stinky 36 big balloons are? Very. My house smelled like balloons up until I browned some ground beef with peppers and onions that will become my diner. Now it smells like onions and garlic.

Also, another thing I didn’t know, 36 balloons take up a lot of space. Stinky and space-hogging. Balloons, I am no longer your biggest fan.

I wasn’t sure what to do with the balloons. I thought popping them would be obnoxious and loud. So I literally googled “how to quietly pop balloons.” The sanest method involved cutting the balloon right above the knot where there is some slack. Since I was feeling pretty sane, I opted for this method.

This lasted about four balloons. First, it was a pain in the ass trying to separate the balloons to get at the neck. One popped in the process. Plus, I was getting that balloon stink all over my hands.

So I took the pointy-scissors and went after those bad boys like a madwoman. It was super fun and oddly cathartic. It was like popping bubble wrap, but way more satisfying. After that, I gathered up the remains and tossed them into the garbage and went back to Mondaying like someone who doesn’t have random magical things happen on a grey February day.

Yours,
Jodi