Hi Darling Ones,

Earlier this week when I started watching the documentary series “I’ll Be Gone in the Dark” I made a joke about sleeping too well lately being the reason behind watching it.

I finished the show last night and guess what I was doing at 2 a.m. this morning? Folding laundry because I could not sleep. I read the book a few years ago when it first came out and lost so much sleep because it scared the crap out of me. I wasn’t always such a fraidy cat, but being a single woman who lives alone and can go literal weeks without seeing someone has changed that. I’ve pondered sleeping with a baseball bat near my bed, but I don’t have one and instead keep scissors nearby.

The show was a lot. Good, but a lot. The last scene involves a sort of party where the survivors of the Golden State Killer/East Area Rapist get together. The women would introduce themselves with their name and number. Like, “I’m Jodi, number thirty nine.” And that number indicted where in his raping/killing span they were. There were so many women and I lost it. I cried for good ten, fifteen minutes straight.

Matters weren’t helped by the fact that earlier this week I watched the Woodstock 99 documentary where a John Scher, a man, said in 2021, on camera, with his actual mouth, “I am critical of the hundreds of women that were walking around with no clothes on, and expecting not to be touched. They shouldn’t have been touched, and I condemn it. But you know, I think that women that were running around naked, you know, are at least partially to blame for that.”

Because, according to this man, the only thing keeping men from groping and assaulting women all the time is clothes? Even though in the very documentary he was participating in about the concert he was producing there were tons and tons of women being groped while fully clothed.

So I couldn’t sleep last night because I was upset about how much men hate women and trying to puzzle out why that is. Also, I was thinking about marriage and my aversion to it, but that wasn’t totally related.

This morning I woke up to the news that the murder two miles from my house was actually a decapitation. A man who repeatedly abused his girlfriend, beheaded her in broad daylight. He cut off her head and drove off with it, leaving her body behind. That’s a lot of hate for one particular woman.

The crime is so ghastly there isn’t a lot I can say. It’s haunted me every time I blink or my brain is quiet for even a second.

Everything feels like a lot today and is exacerbated by the watery-eyes and sore throat caused by the smoke from the Canadian wildfires.

Bleh,
Jodi