The Moratorium

I hate weddings. Despite this, I’ve cried at every wedding I’ve ever been to. This has nothing to do with why I hate weddings and more to do with trying to prove that I’m not an icy-hearted monster.

I hate weddings more because they involve wearing nice clothes, going somewhere, and doing things with people and less because I’m a bitter, jaded spinster who hates public proclamations of love (please see sentence #2 above).

Recently I told my FFJ that the reason we remain such great friends is that she is willing to come to my house and sit on my couch with me. Not only is she willing to do this, she tends to think it can be great gobs of fun. And she totally doesn’t judge me of I choose not to put on a bra before she comes over.

Anyway, this summer I had to go to two weddings. This is not unusual when you are a member of a family with something more than thirty cousins who have had about fifty kids and some of those kids have had four kids. When this happens you get invited to a lot of weddings (and showers both bridal and baby), and often you don’t really know the person of honor. So not only do you have go someplace and do something with people, you have to give them presents you buy with your own money. And if there’s anything I dislike more than going places and doing things, it’s giving people my money.

Right around the time I was putting on fancy clothes to attend Wedding #1 I decided I was never gonna go to another wedding again.

Sister #4 quickly pointed out the absurdity of that statement and I amended the moratorium. I was never gonna go to another wedding again unless it was my sisters or one of the niblings.

Then I went to Wedding #2 this past weekend and I had to re-think all my previous hatery wedding thoughts.

On Saturday my cousin Billy married his girlfriend of ten years, Kellie in a small, intimate ceremony at a hotel in Bloomington.

It was probably the best wedding I’ve ever been to. My friend Scooter’s wedding was pretty rad, but Billy’s wins because blood is thicker than Westerberg fandom.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a bride and groom so super pumped to get married. If there were nerves or cold feet they got by me.

Before the bride entered, Billy stood at the front of the room with the officiant and cracked the assembled guests, “Guys, the papers are already signed. The rest of this is just show.” At that point Kellie and her bridesmaid entered and she made a sweeping gesture that included her spectacular hair and beautiful dress, as if to say “get a load of me.”

They laughed and wept through their vows as they made jokes about their decade of dating life and vowed to make sure each was the other’s all-time favorite person forever. It was so fucking sweet that I began to change my mind about hating weddings.

After Billy & Kellie’s sweet, small, thoughtful wedding I can kinda see why people might dig them. I’m still kinda hoping I don’t have to go to a wedding any time soon, but if I do I hope it is and fun and thoughtful as Billy’s.

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