I hate meek

I’m having a tough time with the balance. I know it will come, but for the time being all this blah-blah-blogging is kind of sucking the life out of me. Or maybe it’s the winter doldrums striking early. Or maybe I just have nothing to say. All I know is that I’m having a tough time this week coming up with something to say.

I should have told you about how when the sun started to set today Liam looked out the window, shook his head, and said, “the sun is getting tired now.”

Or I could tell you about how I can’t stop singing one piece of The Weakerthans’ “My Favourite Chords.” Specifically this piece:
Hey I found the safest place to keep all our tenderness.
Keep all those bad ideas. Keep all our hope.
It’s here in the smallest bones, the feet and the inner-ear.
It’s such an enormous thing to walk and to listen.

But I get started writing and then stop because it doesn’t feel like it’s flowing. It feels forced and hollow. I hate forced and hollow. I think it’s because I am trying too hard on The Nerdery blog and it’s fucking with my mojo. I think and think and think about blogging and what to say and how to say it and wonder if it’s okay or if it’s good enough and then by the time I come to I Will Dare I’m all befuddled. I’m at a loss.

It makes me angry because I know I’m over thinking it, and my over thinking is making me meek. I hate meek. I know that 90% of blogging is bravado and acting like you’re the bomb digs regardless of your actual bomb diggetyness.

And so then nothing comes, except the lyrics to The Weakerthans.

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5 Comments

  1. christa 07.Jan.09 at 11:11 pm

    i’m struggling with blogging, too. i think my problem is that i’m in too much of a routine right now and not shaking it up and going out and finding things. and at the end of the day, i feel pressure to put words on internet.

    yesterday i took a crappy photo of asparagus and almost posted it.

    and i’m not drinking enough.

    Reply
  2. Ryan 08.Jan.09 at 7:27 am

    “I know that 90% of blogging is bravado and acting like youre the bomb digs regardless of your actual bomb diggetyness.”

    I love this assertion. This is why my blog is failing. Any suggestions where I can buy delusions of bomb diggetyness?

    Reply
  3. bakiwop 08.Jan.09 at 1:43 pm

    forced is ok, but hollow sucks – especially when you’re doing it at work then at home. i hope you find that groove for yourself.

    Reply
  4. FFJ 08.Jan.09 at 6:29 pm

    I have never. ever, not once questioned your bomb diggetyness.

    Reply
  5. Doug 12.Jan.09 at 1:01 am

    I thought over-thinking was a prerequisite for writing. No wonder so many blogs don’t quite qualify as “writing.”

    It takes a lot of bravado to admit you don’t have bravado.

    Reply

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