The 7 worst books I read in 2008 reviewed in 10 words or less

Today Largehearted Boy keeps peppering his Twitter with links to newspapers publishing their best books of 2008 lists. I am making my own list and currently checking it twice. However, while making the list I noticed that I read a lot of shitty, shitty books this year.

Because I always want to help the gentle reader, I compiled a list of books that you should all avoid like the plague. I do this kind of thing because I care. I do.

Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Friend: Jesus said fuck. The end.
The Screwtape Letters: Good Christian blah blah blah blah blah blah blah zzzzzzzzz.
Twilight: Me helpless girl, you glittery Vampire, let’s go to prom.
Candy Girl: I’m a quirky stripper who writes unbelievable bullshit.
Things I Learned From the Women Who Dumped Me: TV writers bad at writing things not meant for TV.
Netherland: Cricket + New York + No Plot = nap-inducing.
Downtown Owl: ND boring, adverbs, people shallow, adverbs, and then they die.

Avoid these books people. I suffered so you don’t have to.

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  1. david 14.Dec.08 at 12:25 pm

    You must have missed the review that stated that Netherland was the book of the year because of the conversations it spawned concerning what fiction should be.

    From what I’ve read, I agree with everything but Netherland on your list.

    My beef about year-end lists I’ve seen, where is Elizabeth McCracken’s memoir? I haven’t seen it on any list yet, and it is one of my favorite non-fiction books of the year.

  2. christa 14.Dec.08 at 12:46 pm

    i had a really hard time find 10 books i liked this year. i was really being pretty lenient toward the end of my top 10 list on mnreads. is it possible last year was just a bad year of words?

  3. bamboozlde 14.Dec.08 at 5:43 pm

    and the author of “lamb” really ticked me off when he added another chapter to “stupidest angel” and didn’t offer it online or somesuch for those who already bought the book.

    christopher moore is a big meanie doodoohead.

  4. Tam 15.Dec.08 at 5:00 pm

    I actually liked Lamb, but then again I have twisted views on religion and this dovetailed nicely with them. Your take on Twilight is pretty spot on, though.

  5. Angie 21.Dec.08 at 2:14 pm

    You really hated Netherland? I would put it on a list of the best books of 2008. It took me awhile to get into it in the beginning. The cricket stuff made me lose a bit of interest, but I managed to get past that and really enjoy it. I think the writing is really beautiful. It was less about cricket than about relationships.

  6. Citizen Reader 16.Jan.09 at 10:05 am

    THANK YOU for calling out “Candy Girl”–how on earth do you make a book about stripping boring? She certainly did. Love the list!


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