Just because it’s got vampires doesn’t mean it’s not sexist bullshit

Yowza! I was surprised by the rage Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight brought out of me. This was one of the most sexist novels I can ever remember reading, and I grew up on a steady diet of Sweet Valley High and VC Andrews.

This poorly-written dreck made me so annoyed and angry that I have a hard time not being completely condescending. I don’t think I’ve eye-rolled so much during a book since I read Nicholas Sparks’ shitty, shitty The Wedding.

Twilight tells the story of Bella, a seventeen-year-old Arizonan who moves to Forks, Washington to live with her dad after he mom marries a minor-league baseball player and moves to Florida. Bella’s not thrilled about the move and until she meets Edward, a pale, beautiful boy who turns out to be a sparkly vampire.

Why this book is an international, best-selling phenomenon is beyond me. I can understand why the barely-pubescent crowd loves it. Because the relationship between Bella and Edward is the kind of cheesedog bullshit that teen girls think romance is — inevitable, all-consuming, and filled with unabashed proclamations of their love.

When I was thirteen I’d have probably thought of Edward as the height of romance, but through my 30something eyes I can see that he’s a sexist bordering on abusive. There are many times throughout the novel where Edward chastises Bella for being too alluring and irresistible. He tells her that if he can’t control himself (and it’s really, really hard to do so) that if something bad happens it will be her fault. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Plus, there’s the constant need to watch-over and protect her, and the fact that he continually tells her she can’t take care of herself. Of course, Bella doesn’t help herself at all and totally loses herself in Edward — doing everything he says and never standing up for herself. And, while we’re told Bella is a smart girl (she’s disappointed by the library’s book selection) we never see it.

Bah! It’s so bad.

Then there’s the writing which is awful and repetitive with the incredulous grins and the eyes. OH THE EYES. Christa already made a helpful list about the eyes. I would get into it but really the story is so awful and distasteful that the bad writing is just like frosting on the shitcake.

Before you get up in arms about why I even bothered with this book, it’s because my Rock and Roll Bookclub selected it. I am excited to discuss it. Hannah, the thirteen-year-old daughter of two our members, loves the Twilight series with a passion. I am curious to see what she has to say about it and get her insight.

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  1. Jodiferous 15.Nov.08 at 5:00 pm

    thank you! that book is crap. i found out my 11 year old stepdaughter, is reading it and I was outraged. Not in a “I’m going to call your mom and tell her she’s crazy” way. But in a “Oh crap, you finally show an interest in reading and THIS is what you read?” way.

    They get worse. Much much much worse.

  2. v 15.Nov.08 at 5:53 pm

    I am totally befuddled by the success of the Twilight series too. I haven’t read it, but I know that even when I was a teenager, I wouldn’t have found a vampire to be hot and sexy.

  3. UH 15.Nov.08 at 8:16 pm

    My sixteen-year-old daughter and my forty-two-year-old wife both love this series.

    I don’t know anything about it, having never read any of it, but now I will use your review to counter anything positive they have to say about it.

    So, thanks.

  4. Placemat 15.Nov.08 at 9:01 pm

    Shitcake. Ha Ha.

    All you have to do now is watch True Blood on HBO.

  5. david 16.Nov.08 at 10:52 am

    I couldn’t even get through the first chapter, after my niece lent me her copy.


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