After you read this you will probably think less of me, but I don’t care because a love like this cannot be denied

First of all let me tell you that this whole sordid affair began in one of my weaker moments. I was exhausted and all my mental faculties had been pushed to their breaking point after having spent the night babysitting all five of the kidlings.

It was really quite late on a Saturday night, or perhaps early on a Sunday morning. I was in Sister #3’s basement and she was telling me about the high Sisterclub drama plaguing the club this summer (it is, without fail, always something). But then we stopped with the drama and became mesmerized by the TV.

When we were growing up Sister #3 was totally enamoured with Bret Michaels. Really. Poison was her favorite band and she decorated her walls with their posters. I think in her 6th or 7th grade school picture she is wearing a Poison t-shirt.

So you can see how when Rock of Love came on, she was immediately drawn to it. Because she stopped talking, I had to watch it too.

Oh cruel fate. If only I had left before the show started. But I didn’t, and now I am in love.

It is probably the worst thing to ever hit the boob tube. It’s awful. Basically the premise is that Bret’s looking for love and 25 girls want to be that love. All but one of the girls have huge fake boobs and an IQ that puts them right around functionally retarded. They are the worst skanky skanks, and often make me ashamed to be a woman. I don’t know how Mr. Michaels can be so turned on by them, but then he is. I wouldn’t put my keys in any of those girls much less something that is attached to my body.

And really, any show where Bret Michaels is the smartest person cannot be anything but very very bad. Bret has roughly three phrases in his vocabulary these include “turned on,” “awesome,” and “rock.” And yet, he’s still the smart one.

The show is so bad, and yet I can’t look away. I know there are about 9 million things I could do that would be a better use of my time, but I just cannot resist. I am weak.

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16 Comments

  1. shokkou 03.Aug.07 at 10:45 am

    Yikes. Sounds like SOMEBODY needs a serious intervention. JUST SAY “NO” TO REALITY!

    Reply
  2. The J Train 03.Aug.07 at 12:15 pm

    VH-1, also known as the Let’s Get Washed-Up Musicians Laid channel.

    Reply
  3. Scooby Doo Mansioneer 03.Aug.07 at 12:28 pm

    Funny, I saw it and I HAD to turn away. I felt like I needed to bathe strong anti-septic just form watching it. Those girls are skankier than happy hour at sports bar in Coon Rapids. Yeeesh.

    Reply
  4. Jodi 03.Aug.07 at 12:30 pm

    Nice! Coon Rapids is my favorite place to rip on too.

    J-Train do you think VH-1 will give me a show so I can get laid?

    Reply
  5. Lori 03.Aug.07 at 1:37 pm

    I’m so glad you outed yourself on this. I stayed up late last Sunday night just to see who got booted off. I had discriminating taste once, I swear. Now I can’t tear myself away from this crap. Damn you VH1.

    Reply
  6. FFJ 03.Aug.07 at 1:40 pm

    I too am completely addicted to Rock of Love, and what will surely be a follow-up of Charm School. Lacey needs to go and I’m secretly rooting for the pink haired one that looks like a rocker chick version of Natalie Portman, although we all know Rodeo is going to win, if Heather doesn’t completely sabatoge her.

    And don’t get me started on Scott Baio is 45 and Single, because I’m totally into that too.

    Reply
  7. Jodi 03.Aug.07 at 1:45 pm

    I have eschewed the Chachi Trainwreck, because I’m already having a hard enough problem with my self-esteem after the whole Bret Michaels fiasco.

    That being said, I think Pink is gonna bail soon because she’s just much too “normal” for this scene.

    And “normal” is a relative term because any woman who goes on this show is an all-out freakshow.

    Reply
  8. AC 03.Aug.07 at 1:55 pm

    Yes, I also am in love with Bret’s new show.

    However, at the Scooby Doo Mansion I’m not allowed to watch it… but I have caught the daytime reruns. Yes!

    Which one doesn’t have fake boobs and has an IQ? I didn’t notice one.

    I think Rodeo will be the runner-up in a dramatic loss. She is the one woman that is “right for Bret,” but she will lose out in a trainwreck of an episode to one of the blonde hoochies. Rodeo will shed a single tear, and Bret might cry too, but will be consoled by those bouncing titties of his new True Love Forever.

    I think the one with pink hair is kind of hot. She’s kind of my dream alter-ego. Wish I could get away with that hair (and quit drinking beer and make it to the gym enough for the bod.)

    Are these women any “worse” than those on Flavor of Love? Or is the same women, different subculture?

    Could there be a version of this with Pete Doherty? Would those women be any worse or better than Bret or Flav’s? Cause I wanna see that one.

    AC

    Reply
  9. Jodi 03.Aug.07 at 2:15 pm

    Okay, the owner of the Scooby Doo Mansion really needs to give in to the allure of Bret Michaels. This kind of stuff should be reveled in, celebrated even.

    I never watched Flavor of Love so I can’t really compare the two.

    All I know is that I’ve never seen so many fake boobs at once in my life.

    Reply
  10. AC 03.Aug.07 at 4:56 pm

    All I know is I’ve never seen so many flabby boobs than on Flavor of Love.

    That’s more jiggle than the Jello ads.

    Okay, maybe at the Cannon Falls fair.

    AC

    Reply
  11. PeeWee 03.Aug.07 at 5:15 pm

    I fucking love that show. Although it might be the first show of that ilk where I do not have a favorite.
    I can tell you one thing, I wanna push Lacey out of a plane.

    Reply
  12. Lori 03.Aug.07 at 6:39 pm

    I can’t think of any specifically by name as it’s kind of one big blur of bleach blonde boobies, but Rodeo. Oh dear God. Where did she get that laugh? Isn’t it funny how the editors are making her look and sound like a horse?? I love it!

    Reply
  13. UH 03.Aug.07 at 11:23 pm

    Huge fake boobs AND stupid?

    Jesus. I would kill myself if I was Mr. Michaels.

    Reply
  14. Edge 05.Aug.07 at 2:05 am

    Bret Michaels… I thought he was a sportscaster on ESPN. Shows what I know. And I thought I knew a lot about music.

    Reply
  15. Scooby Doo Mansioneer 08.Aug.07 at 12:47 pm

    Alright, I caved in last night. AC somehow finangled me into watching not one but two episodes of this skankfest VH1 calls a show. I feel so violated!

    Reply
  16. Jodi 08.Aug.07 at 1:06 pm

    But it makes one feel dirty in a really good way. Did you see Rodeo get the boot?

    Reply

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