So I went to the doctor this morning. It appears that my stomach full of flames is not caused by Blue Öyster Cult. Nor is it caused by being a mean, mean hateful bitch, but by having too much acid in my stomach (aka acid indigestion). She patted me on my head told me to take some TUMs and avoid anything good to eat or drink. If it doesn’t get better I should come back.
I’ll probably live, though right now it doesn’t feel like I will.