And all I could do was watch as the Barenaked horror unfolded right before my very eyes

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There are events in one’s life that are so horrific that while they are unfolding you can do nothing but watch it happen. It happened so fast, so quickly that I was stuck to my chair unable to stop the carnage. I knew there would be emotional and psychological damage to repair and yet I could do nothing to stop it.

We were just sitting there, chatting. The wine was all gone, the kids were upstairs in the guest room of Supergenius HQ watching a movie, and Wolfdogg could no longer contain himself. I had been watching him give ol’ Lucinda the elevator-eye all night, his hands itchy, and a bit of drool glistening on his lips.

He waited until we were done discussing The Picture of Dorian Gray before he asked.

“Can I play her?”
“She might not want you to play her,” Heather, Wolfdogg’s wife said.
“I don’t mind,” I said, reaching behind my chair to grab my green-hued baby. “Be gentle.”

And he was not gentle, not gentle at all.

I think it was Sister #2 who made the request. I thought she was kidding.
“Play some Barenaked Ladies,” she asked.
“Nooooooo,” I howled. Because if there’s anything you can do in your own home, it’s howl your disapproval at bad bad music.
“I only like one song,” Sister #2 said. “The Apartment.”

I’m sorry, I get a little choked up at his point. I am a bad, bad guitar owner, because I allowed what happened to happen. I sat idly by as that bad, bad man started strumming a Barefuckingnaked Ladies’ song on my nearly virginal LuLa. She didn’t deserve that.

“I hope you know I’m reconsidering our friendship,” I said.
And he just grinned maniacally at me over LuLa’s lovely green humps as Sister #2 laughed at my distress.

Some amends were made, I can’t deny that. There was some lovely ‘Alex Chilton’ played and I sang all the words, oh and “Can’t Hardly Wait” too. Sister #2 was amazed at my willingness to just sing right outloud. Sometimes you can’t control yourself.

However it does not make up for the dirty, bad stuff played on my baby. I have promised to make it up to her. She seemed okay tonight when I practiced my scales, but sometimes it takes years for the effects of this kind of damage to show. Maybe if I can get the delectable Mike Doughty over here to caress her lovely lady lumps things will be alright.

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4 Comments

  1. Dick 09.Jan.07 at 7:23 am

    friends don’t let friends play that crap

    MABNL (Musicians Against Barenaked Ladies)

    Reply
  2. PoeticaL 09.Jan.07 at 7:40 pm

    Have you seen item # 130065135325 on ebay? OMG go see.

    Reply
  3. Jodi 09.Jan.07 at 11:39 pm

    The Westerberg guitar has been out for months, I think. Whomever is bidding $177 for it on eBay is a SUCKER. You can get it at Amazon for $160.

    Reply
  4. wolfdog 10.Jan.07 at 3:46 am

    …and my westerberg guitar plays ‘If I Had A Million Dollars’ just fine.

    worth every penny……..

    Reply

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