Of all the tasks involved with being a Propaganda Creationist (copywriter) writing catalog copy is the absolute worst. It’s the worst of the worst. Basically you get 25, 50, and 100 words to sell your product. They use these words whenever they put your product in a catalog.

As anyone who has spent more than 30 seconds on iwilldare.com can attest, succinctness is not my strong suit. So having 25 words to say something is nearly impossible for me. I’m not even one of those people that will say things like, “I’ve got two words for you: Fuck off.” I don’t have two words for anyone, I have about 222 words for everyone.

Writing catalog copy makes me fidget, sigh a lot and listen to “Someone to Pull the Trigger” over and over again. That song makes me happy in ways that I cannot explain in 25, 50 or 100 words.

So now I’m bored and frustrated and considering taking up drinking at work. Because maybe if I were drunk, it’d be easier to write these twenty-fucking-five words. Seriously, I just spent two hours writing and re-writing 25 words. About 45 minutes of that was trying to whittle the 40 words down to a nice respectable 34. Yes, I’m a dirty cheater and I’m not ashamed to admit it.