Almost Gone

The boxes are gone and Supergenius Headquarters is littered with the remants of Sister #4. It’s a mess, a melancholy mess to be sure. It’s bittersweet, I cannot deny that. There have been a lot of tears shed. Crying is contagious. Each time she and the person started to cry, I too would cry.

I cried both times she said goodbye to our dad. I cried when she said goodbye to mom, Sister #3, Tony, the Becker boys, Jaycie and Max. I’ll probably cry when I go to bed tonight.

As much as I cannot wait to have the house all too myself, I am sad to see her go. I’m worried about her already and she’s still sitting on the couch. I hope that she finds what she’s looking for in Udaho. I hope she learns some independence and self-reliance. Most of all, I hope she gives it a fair shot and tries to make it work. If she comes home with her tail between her legs in three months, she’ll never forgive herself.

I tried to tell her about when I first left home. I remember standing in the front yard of our house in Blaine (the house that my cousin Patty and her family bought where I would be living), my entire family sitting in the DragonWagon. I stood in the yard sobbing so hard I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t remember being so scared in my entire life. My dad hugged me and told me that I didn’t have to stay. That I could jump in the Dragon and go back to Wisconsin with the family. I was 17.

But as soon as he said that, something inside of me clicked. I knew that no matter how much I would miss my family, I had to stay. I had to do that for me.

I told her how it was one of the best decisions I ever made in my life. But I don’t think she understood what I was trying to tell her. Instead Sister #4 just cried about how she was going to miss everything. I hope that once she leaves she’ll see that she’s not missing out on anything and making new memories and living a different life, one for her and not for the family.

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1 Comment

  1. Tam 05.Aug.06 at 12:30 pm

    I always say I did 7 years hard time in Toledo, but truth be told, it was an excellent experience. I was far away from everyone and everything, lonely as hell ALL THE TIME, and yet really growing up and learning to fend for myself.

    I wasy beyond amazement when father told me how proud he was of my ability to do 7 years on my own… he died a few days after that conversation, leaving me completely alone in the world (or so it feels) but I’ve managed to survive just fine.

    Udaho will be a great experience for your sister — it just may take her some time to realize it.


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