i’m going to be 33 in 3 days (shut up, it’s still June 3rd in my mind). i had a mini breakdown today while talking to Seamus.
“i’m gonna be fucking 33 on monday,” i said.
“not sitting well?” he asked.
“no, because soon i’ll be 40!”
“stop,” he said. “stop right there. i can’t think about 40.”
“but i was just 23 like 15 minutes ago, and now i’m 33. that means in like 20 minutes, i’m gonna be 40!”
“you are not!”
the argument went on like that for a bit. of course my fears were not abated by any of my other friendworkers either. i sat with two nearly or just 40something women, and they were telling me how their 30s flew by and how they always thought they’d have all the time in the world to have kids and shit and now they were sitting there 40 and on 40’s doorstep and nothing. neither of them have children.
beause that’s just what i needed to hear on the eve of my 33rd birthday. i’m already afraid that my uterus is pointless and my eggs have all gotten stale. so now i’m in this weird state of panic that i’m losing the race. and i keep telling myself that it’s gonna be ok because i’m late for everything so i might as well be late for motherhood too. but i think i’m just rationalizing.
what is wrong with me?
Nothing is wrong with you Jodi.
Your time will come and I feel it will happen very soon for you. Perhaps if you returned my emails we could jump start something together.
Hang in there baby, you’re a gorgeous lady who is fantastically sexy!
Todd
Hey Jodi – I felt that way before many birthdays. This year, though, I’ll be in the Bahamas when I turn 32 on June 18th. You gotta take good care of yourself. I’m about to quote a line from a cheesy poem, but it’s one I’ve never been able to get out of my head (damn if I can quote Shakespeare after a Master’s in English, but let me read any Hallmark-quality crap and it’s in the vault for good – go figure) anyway …
So, you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone else to bring you flowers.
I don’t have kids and maybe I never will. Rather than sit and cry (which really doesn’t make my ovaries function any better), I remind myself that I also don’t have a crazy-hectic kid schedule, that scary responsibility for 18+ years, or stretch marks! It’s all about perspective!
Happy Early Birthday, Jodi!
jodi, there is nothing wrong with you. i blame society. i’ll be 30 in just under a month and i am also kidless and husbandless. although, as i get older, i’m beginning to think staying kidless isn’t all bad. 🙂
I’m older than God, so what are you complaining about?
Yo, dude, when you’re looking at 40, I’ll be looking at 50.
Trust me, if you want kids, you’ll have them. I still think you are already a huge influence as the world’s greatest auntie.
you are a late bloomer and there is NOTHING wrong with that – I am one too (i’m alot older than you and just got married a couple of months ago). Don’t even worry about it.