now that my rock and roll fantasy weekend is all over, real life has decided to rear its ugly head and come crashing in on all my daydreams. i totally hate when that happens (i also hate that the word totally has snuck into my vocabulary in the most annoying way possible). it’s frustrating having to be a 32-year-old again, i’m much better as a 23-year-old, especially because i lost the fucking car bill again. i need a better mail sorting system, because the throwing it on the bathroom floor or next to the toaster and then just scooping it all up and tossing it once a week really isn’t working out as well as i thought.
so yeah, back to work, back to life, back to reality. and the reality is that i have a ton of stuff to do. stuff that scares the ever living shit out of me (most of it deals with TPoWICNS) and yet makes me almost giddy at the same time. i just need to get to that place, that place where i can think straight and clearly. i’m hoping that place might be found on saturday, but who knows? i went from feeling totally disconnected to feeling this mad urge to connect with everyone that i know. i even e-mailed the sister club to see if we could hang this weekend. i need to be grounded before i float off into the ether.
i still haven’t talked at all about the TTHM and i’m really not sure i’m ready to quite yet. but i asked him if i called whether or not he’d return the call.
“i don’t know that’s the risk you’re going to have to take.”
“i don’t like taking risks,” i said.
“you need to take more risks,” he said.
i am about to take the biggest risk of my entire life. i know i have to do this, to try this, if it pans out i’ll be the happiest camper this side of the mississippi. if it doesn’t, i’ll be the brokest motherfucker on both sides of the mississippi. but you know, you only live once, right?
There are different kinds of risks.
There are risks you take you have no control over. These are the risks which scare every single one of us, regardless of what we outwardly show. The only migtigating factor when it comes to these risks, which allow us to continue living, is to be as prepared as we can be given the chance of the risk coming true. Falling into this category are such things as random shootings, certain chronic diseases, etc.
The second type of risk we take is where we have to rely on others to guide us through the risks, but we still have little or no control over the outcome. These scare most of us, too, but we handle our fears as best we can by choosing the right people to help us. Open heart surgery comes to mind as an example of this case.
The third type of risk would be the risk we take on ourselves. We have as much control as possible over the outcome, but the risk is introduced by external factors we may either not have the experience to prepare for or randomly occur. Many people thrive on this kind of risk…they enjoy challenging themselves to prove their ability to overcome the risks and beat the odds. We have very good control over the outcome, because we directly make and/or influence the decisions which lead to the resolution. Raising a child, running for office, physical training would be examples in this case.
Prepare well for the first
Judge well for the second
Believe in yourself for the third
Better to take the risk and not have it work out than sit around in your 50s wondering “what if.”
Oh and your bill filing system sounds more logical than mine (piling them on the dining room table until someone spills something on them…then throwing them out). I think I’ll try yours. 🙂