there are reasons for my sudden uncharacteristic silence. reasons i will attempt to explain for the uterused and unuterused among us. PMS has kicked me right in the face this month and to demonstrate:

FRIDAY
8 a.m.: stumble out of bed, a whirlpool going around in my head.
8:27 a.m.: see that there’s a message on swanky sara the cell phone, smile my fool head off.
8:30 a.m.: stumble to ruby, realize there’s no way in hell i’m gonna be to work by 9, but the sun is shining and that makes me smile.
9:22 a.m.: arrive in a little place i like to call hell. but the sun is still shining and well i look sort of cute for having spent all of 13 minutes getting ready, feel like i can take on the world.
10 a.m.: talk to jess and bonnie about al’s impending surprise post-wedding luncheon at swanky chanhassen restaurant, feel absolutely giddy.
10:30 a.m.: get unending shit from the bosslady for not inviting her to al’s impending surprise post luncheon wedding, feel like total complete shit.
10:42 a.m.: bonnie says not to feel bad about the bosslady, executives are not invited, still feel like shit.
10:52 a.m.: shannon says i should not feel bad, i didn’t do anything wrong, that the confrontation was rude, feel mildly better.
11:20 a.m.: jess says i should probably invite the bosslady, feel like crying.
11:24 a.m.: bossman stops by and surprise! i’m going to have my yearly review at 1:30, feel like going home and hiding under the covers.
11:28 a.m.: escape with shannon sans bosslady, feel like i might die.
11:30 – 1:30 p.m.: lunch with my favorite lady coworkers, laugh so hard that i’m surprised stuff doesn’t come out of my nose, eat cheesecake that’s so good i hope to come back as a cheesecake when i die, feel wonderful.

1:42 p.m.: in truck with shannon realize i’m going to be late for my review, feel not so good.
2:00 p.m.: bossman stops by and asks if lunch was in albert lea and tells me to meet him in the pre-assigned meeting room, feel like i’m going to my death.
2:10 p.m.: bossman says i rocks the casbah, feel elated.
2:27 p.m.: bossman tells me i should be more patient and listen more, feel like utter shit.
2:45 p.m.: get a 10% raise, i’m the queen of the world!
2:46 p.m.: realize i didn’t get the promotion i wanted, feel angry, angry, angry and hurt.
2:48 p.m.: realize i got a 10% raise! i am the queen of the world!
3:30 p.m.: meet with most favorite of lady coworkers, laugh about how much freaking work there is to do in impending months because crying at work isn’t that cool, feel fucking freaked out.
4:00 p.m.: chat with darlingjason, feel giddy.
4:02 p.m.: take something completely out of context, feel like the biggest, ugliest, most unsexxiest person on the face of the earth, feel like i can’t wipe the tears out of my eyes fast enough.
4:04 p.m.: fight every urge in my entire body, the urges that are telling me to say something completely ugly and mean to justify why i feel so bad, feel as though i’m trying not to cry.
4:30 p.m.: berate self for not having anyone to celebrate the 10% with, feel like pondscum.
4:35 p.m.: get e-mail from TTHM and respond by writing about utter abject lonelines and own patheticism, feel as though if i died nobody would notice.
4:48 p.m.: hate, hate, hate darlingjason and TTHM for not dropping everything in their lives to celebrate the raise with me, feel justified in the hate even though darlingjason is six hours away and the TTHM has to prepare for trip to MO.
5:00 p.m.: try to talk dirty to darlingjason, suddenly feel horny as a cat in heat.
5:30 p.m.: go home, feel elated.
6:00 p.m.: arrive home, feel like pathetic piece of nothing-to-do-with-no-one shit.
6:30 – 9:30 p.m.: lost in a haze of bitterness about stuff that i can’t quite remember.
9:31 p.m.: go to bed and read Fortress of Solitude, get suddenly horny and masturbate like a fiend.
10:30 p.m. – 11:30 p.m. talk to the TTHM on the phone about nothing at all, feel like the most boring person on the face of the earth.
11:33 p.m.: fall dead asleep.

SATURDAY
9:30 a.m.: stumble out of bed, eat waffles, ponder cleaning the kitchen, feel like not feeling.
10:30 a.m.: stumble back to bed, masturbate like a fiend, again, take a nap.
1:00 p.m.: get out of bed, look at the time, berate self for being a lazy sack of shit.
1-5 p.m.: listen to NPR, clean kitchen within in an inch of its life, consider having a couch-warming party, sit on old couch for oldtimes sake, ponder cleaning living room for impending swanky new couch arrival, forget to feel.
5-9 p.m.: decide that the fate of the world depends on your importing every book you own into readerware, feel like a superhero.
9-10:30 p.m.: talk to the TTHM about his leaving for MO tomorrow, feel like i’m gonna miss him more than i want to admit.
10:30 p.m.: decide that i simply cannot live without some chocolate chip cookies.
10:31 p.m.: make cookies, feel hungry.
10:44 p.m.: pull cookies out of the oven, feel not so hungry.
10:46 p.m.: dare self not to eat all the cookies, feel like a cookie monster.

that about brings you up to date.