aimless

when i got to work today, i found a post that never quite made it to iwilldare.com. a silly post about bowling and being seen as a sex object and more. but now it seems quite irrelevant or something.

yes, i am at work today. my grammu is dead and i am sad and i don’t know what else to do.

my eyes are raw from crying. rattling around in my apartment, all alone with nobody to hold my hand or rub my back was too heartbreaking. being with my family makes it all too raw, too close to the grief, something i don’t have enough strength for at the moment.

so i came to work to get lost only it’s not as easy as i had thought. my eyes hurt with each blink and with every word i type i hear my grammu’s last breath and the sound of sister #3’s surprise as my grammu left while she held her hand.

i just don’t know what to do.

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2 Comments

  1. Bonny 14.Sep.03 at 10:44 am

    The one time I witnessed a death (my friend Cameron Gallion, 14, cancer), I came away feeling much less frightened of dying myself. It was a very moving experience.

  2. Calli 14.Sep.03 at 9:35 pm

    I don’t think anyone ever knows what to do… we all just fumble around or keep busy or hide away or whatever it is that feels les wrong at the time… because nothing feels right.

    You’ll find your own way in your own time.